Decisive

Me: Aubrey, that bumblebee still fits you. Do you want to be a bumblebee for Halloween this year again? And then Sylvia can be a ladybug.
Aubrey: Mom! I already told. I am being a knight!

Me: So I was thinking that me and daddy should be Jack and Jill after they fell down the hill. How does that sound?
Aubrey: Mom! You can't be Jill. You have to be a knight's mommy. And dad can't be Jack. He has to be a knight's daddy.

Obviously....

Aubrey in the bumblebee costume shortly after Sylvia's birth. More details and pictures on this year's festivities to follow shortly.

Ah Ba Va

Sylvia has gone from silent to constant babbling in the last few weeks.

Sylvia: Ah. Ba. Va. Va. Ba. Ba Ah.
Aubrey: Mom! She's saying V! She's saying the letter V!

Just a Few Gems

I want to walk around with a tape recording of Aubrey at all times so I can listen to her talk all day long, even when I'm at work.

I slept so well last night with my comfy and cozy blanklet! How did you sleep?

I look just like a princess! And a princess is always prepared!

Will you come join me in my playroom?

You are my teacher. How are you teacher? What are we going to learn today?

The Sack

Last year for Christmas, Ingrid got us a Cheese of the Month club. Actually it might be Fruit of the Month? Either way, each month we get a fruit, a cheese and a side (usually some kind of cracker). This month the side was a small bag of almonds that came in a cloth sack.

Me: Aubrey, would you like this little bag? You can put it in your playroom and use it to carry things.
Martin: (just barely containing his laughter) Yeah, you can carry nuts in it. It's a nut sack.
Aubrey: (ignoring Martin) Oh yay! I will go put this in my playroom!
Martin: Aubrey, can you come thank mommy for that nutsack. Say, mommy - thank you for the nutsack.
Aubrey: Mommy, thank you for the nutsack.
Me: Martin, you are disgusting.
Martin: (laughing uncontrollably) I really hope she tells your mom about that. She'll be like mommy gave me a nutsack!
Aubrey: (talking to Sylvia and not paying attention to us): Look at my NUTSACK!!!
Martin: (laughing uncontrollably)
Me: You are a terrible person.

Hard Jobs

Aubrey: Mommy, what do you want me to do?
Me: I want you to pick up all these dishes and put them back in the cupboard, please.
Aubrey: You want me to pick up all these dishes.
Me: Yes, you have to pick up your messes.
Aubrey: Is that my job?
Me: Yes, please pick them up.

Aubrey: Did I clean them all up?
Me: There's some more on the other side of the counter. Put those away too.
Aubrey: (picking up a big glass bowl) This bowl is SO HEAVY. This job is harder than I thought! Whoa! I don't know if I can do this!

Dinner Training

After a few weeks (let's be honest, probably closer to months) of feeding Aubrey a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or noodles for dinner in the name of not wanting to argue - I finally decided enough was enough the other night and Martin and I came together as the united front of eat what we're eating or go to bed. This is going pretty well, with the exception of the night that Aubrey shoved food into her mouth without really swallowing it until she puked.

Aubrey: I have to go poop
Me: Well I guess you should have thought about that before you decided to sit at the table being such a baby about dinner. Finish that plate and then you can go to the bathroom.
Martin: Wow! You're good. I'm over here thinking I'm really tough and then you go and refuse bathroom privileges.
Me: Oh, she doesn't really have to go. She just pooped before her bath. It's a trick to leave the table.
Martin: I wish you hadn't told me that because I was really impressed.

after Martin comes down from putting Aubrey to bed.

Martin: She wasn't lying. That's the biggest turd I've EVER seen come out of her.

Sylvia let's out a cry from upstairs (we're also in the midst of attempting to train her to fall asleep without a bottle and sleep through the night)

Martin: Oh kids, give it up! 
Me: Ha!
Martin: I like to think my parents' had this lighthearted banter when I was bad as a kid, but I'm pretty sure they didn't
Me: Why are you pretty sure they didn't
Martin: I don't know. I just think they were all stern and pissed even after I was in bed.

Dishes: A favorite toy in this household

Play Pals

Lately, Aubrey's favorite thing to do is drag ( literally) Sylvia into the playroom and play with her. Usually she tells her stories or makes her dinner. Or tells her stories while making her dinner. 

Aubrey: Sylvia, I'm making lots of crazy things. Pizza and macaroni. This is my really good macaroni. 

The other night I was working late and Martin sent me this text message accompanied by this photo. 

Aubrey: dad, me and Sylvia are going to my playroom. 

And if she's not dragging her she's carrying her under the armpits and proclaiming mom, I can barely carry Sylvia. She is so heavy. 

At this rate Sylvia is going to be one tough girl!

 

Hashtag

Setup: Martin is an excellent hashtagger. I really wish he had a smartphone and the ability to hashtag everything because his side comments are always so amazing. Of course, some of the glamour might be lost in the ability to actually hashtag because part of the fun is in the out loud conversational hashtags. 

Aubrey: wait mom, don't go downstairs. It's a red sign. (We both stop with our toes on the edge of the top step) ok. Green sign. Go! (We both begin to descend the staircase in a very leisurely, unracelike fashion. I reach the bottom first) mom! Come back up here! I'm supposed to win! 

Me: Aubrey. I have to feed Sylvia and get ready for work. If you wanted to win you should have walked faster. 

Martin: hashtag entitledgeneration 

 

Woodchucks

Another woodchuck story. Fortunately, not involving our living situation this time.

Tucker: So, has any ever been to ....(names a specific town)? When I was a little kid we went to something up there and my mom told me that the people there were woodchucks. So while I was standing in line to get some food with my dad I decided it would be a good time to tell everyone around me that my mom says they are woodchucks ... Yeah. ....that didn't go over well. 

Tristan: you know, woodchuck is a pretty good description!

Serendipity

When you're in the midst of new love everything is amazing. Colors are brighter. Food tastes better. People are friendlier. And most importantly, almost everything is serendipitous.

Caton: Guess what? Mike and I have the same initials only backwards. Mine are CM and his are MC. Isn't that crazy?!
Me: Uh....yeah...crazy?!
Martin: God works in mysterious ways.

...

Me: Do you want some coffee?
Caton: I would love some!
Me: Do you think Mike wants coffee?
Caton: Mike LOVES coffee. We both love coffee!

...

Caton: Did I tell you that Mike loves Tim Hortons.
Mike: Well, I went there once it was good. I think Caton loves Tim Hortons. But I love it too, in solidarity.

...

Caton: That is NOT a T-Rex. Right Mike, that is not a T-Rex is it?
Mike: Solidarity......Nope. Not a T-Rex.
Me: This is not fair. I can't compete with solidarity.

You Had to be There

Setup: First stop on a wine tour. Caton and Mike have just finished telling a story. I am laughing hysterically. At this point I can't remember the actual story, but I definitely remember thinking it was funny at the time.

Mike: Well, you sort of had to be there.
Caton: You can't say you had to be there unless no one is laughing. Jenna is cracking up.

Mike: (starting to tell another story): You kind of had to be there for this story.
Caton: Stop saying that! You can't say that at the beginning of a story. You need to wait until the end.

...

Setup: second stop on a wine tour.
Caton: Ryan, this is Jenna. This is her actual voice. She doesn't have an indoor voice.

...

Setup: I'm a prepared person
Me: I'm going to buy a bottle of wine for us to drink at the next winery. And I brought food. I have fruit and carrots and chips and salsa.
Judy: Wow, you are prepared. I was just happy I remembered to bring my toothbrush home.

At the second winery.

Caton: I think I'm going to buy this bottle of wine. Do you think they'll let us use our wine glasses if we drink it here?
Me:  I have plastic cups in my car if they don't.

Caton: Yeah, we're going to drink a bottle here outside. They sell food here. Natalie and Katie are getting some.
Me: They're buying food? I have food! I have fruit and chips and salsa and carrots.
Caton: We got it. You have a Mary Poppins car or something.
Me: What can I say, I'm a mom.

...

Setup: We pull into a parking lot of a winery and sort of stop our cars in a circle to decide if we should stop/have time to stop and still make it to the winery we want to go to before closing. We decide to go into the winery. Martin, being the inside car in the circle and the car the furthest from being parked in a reasonable fashion places the car into park.
Caton: Are you seriously going to park like that.
Martin: Yes, of course!

Earthtones

Setup: Martin is getting LASIK eye surgery at this very moment. I am sitting in the car with a sleeping Sylvia waiting to be his driver. We've spent the last three hours at the eye doctor mostly waiting around for his consult. I dressed Sylvia in a brown shirt with pink writing on it today. It's caused some confusion.  

Patient 1: oh look! He's so cute!

Patient 2: yes. He is being so good

Martin (whispered to me) : you had to go with earth tones didn't you? 

An hour or so later. A whole new set of patients. 

Patient: aren't you so handsome. Yes you are. You are so handsome. Hi handsome! Hi handsome! Hi handsome! 

Martin: brown was a bad choice. 

 

Things Learned

Martin: Look what I just blew out of my nose!
Me: Are you trying to show my your boogers. That is gross.
Martin: What, you don't look?
Me: Well, I do. And I used to try and show them to people but then my brother's told me it was gross.....so I stopped......when I was a kid.
Martin: Are these the same brother's that would make you go in the bathroom to look at the size and shape of their poops?
Me: Yep. Same ones!

Imaginary Jack

Aubrey has an imaginary friend named Jack. He is her older brother.

Aubrey: Mom, carry me and Jack to my bed.
Me: Ok. (picks Aubrey up from bathroom sink and start heading to her bedroom)
Aubrey: Mom, you forgot Jack in the bathroom! Silly mommy! Jack is going to sleep in my bed with me. We are going to play with my animals.

...

Aubrey: Jack wants a cup of milk and I want a cup of milk. We both like milk!

...

Aubrey: Come on Jack, let's go. It's time for dinner.

...

Aubrey: Mom, take Jack out of the bathtub. The water is getting cold.

Our Own CaddyShack

I've never actually seen Caddyshack, but as I was relaying our trials and tribulations with woodchucks to a friend this weekend, he quickly pointed out that it is the exact plot of Caddyshack. Our life has literally gotten as ridiculous as a movie.

Here's the breakdown:

We have a woodchuck. We tried to set a live trap to catch the woodchuck.

Live trap attempt one: Caught a woodchuck. Woodchuck escaped out the back of the trap.

Live trap attempt two: Martin "beefed up" the trap with plastic chicken wire. We caught a woodchuck but were out of town for a wedding. The woodchuck has an entire weekend to eat through the "beefed up" trap. We returned from the wedding to find a perfect circle eaten out of the back of the trap.

Live trap attempt three through five: The trap gets "beefed up" with actual chicken wire. There will be no escaping. After two escapes this woodchuck has gotten smart. She has figured out how to eat the bait without stepping on the pad and setting the trap off.

Live trap attempt six: We caught a woodchuck! Unfortunately, Martin decides all his guns are too big to shoot the woodchuck with and instead attempts to hit the woodchuck with a shovel. He sprays the woodchuck in the face with ether and then lets her out of the trap to hit a (hopefully disoriented) woodchuck over the head with a shovel. Turns out she isn't that disoriented and quickly takes off running out of sight as soon as the trap is open.

Live trap attempt seven through fourteen: This woodchuck has gotten very smart and cautious. She's eating the bait but definitely is not going to take her chances setting off the trap.

Martin warns me to keep a close eye on the girls and sets a trap to kill the woodchuck.

Attempt fifteen: The woodchuck still manages to get the food from the trap without setting it off.

The next day:

Martin: I'm going to burn the barn down. This woodchuck is making a mockery of me!
Me: Why? Did it get the food again without getting caught in the trap.
Martin: No, she got caught in the trap. But apparently it wasn't a fatal catch and she must have dragged the trap into her hole with her because now the trap is missing too!

If you're keeping score the current record is Woodchuck- 16, Brunings - 0.