One, Two, Three and to the Fo'

Aubrey: Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies. .....We all FALL DOWN!
Martin: Hey Aubrey, how about you sing this song: One, Two, Three and to the Four. Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre are at the door!
Aubrey: Daddy, No! I don't want to sing that song!
Martin: Come on! Don't you want to sing the counting song?
Aubrey: Daddy, no.
Martin: Do you want mommy to sing?
Aubrey: Yeah!
Martin/Me: One, Two, Three and to the Four. Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre are at the door. 
Aubrey: No! Not that song! The ring around the rosy song!
Martin: Don't you want to learn the puppy song?
Aubrey: Daddy, no!
Martin: This is so frustrating. It's like she knows it's not a kids song!

Some of the bigger trials of parenting...obviously

Random Acts of Kindness

Me: It must have snowed last light because there is snow on the road, but there isn't any on my car so I think it all blew off.
Lexy: Yeah, I had about two inches on my car. 


...A couple days later....

I FINALLY realize that the reason the snow keeps "blowing" off my car before I wake up is because Martin is brushing it off when he leaves in the morning.

Me: Martin, are you brushing my car off in the morning?!
Martin: Of course, you my girl.
Me: That is so amazing! I can't believe I didn't thank you for this sooner!


...And that sums up why I am the easiest person to surprise. period.

Time

Me: You remember I'm working late tonight and you need to pick the girls up by 7:30, right?
Martin: Yeah. We've been doing really well lately. You can tell your mom that I might surprise everyone and be early!
Me: Yeah......I'm not going to do that.

hours later, just before 7:30

Me: So you're going to get the girls. 
Martin: Yeah. I'm driving through Shelby right now. 
Me: Oh, so you're going to surprise no one and be late.
Martin: Yeah... maybe by the time we hit our fiftieth wedding anniversary I'll have figured time management out. Sometimes even as I hear myself talk I think what am I thinking??

Cultured

Me: Ugh. These blankets are all messed up. They're not even covering your whole body!
Martin: Well, fix them if you want. I'm just going to lay here.
Me: Ok.......let's start from the very beginning.
Martin: (to musical tune) It's a very good place to start.
-pause-
Martin: You should be impressed with how cultured I am
Me: What? Cause you've seen the Sound of Music
Martin: I don't think very many people would sing that so quickly. 

Briefcase

Martin: I am a business professional. I don't know if you realize this, but I have A BRIEFCASE.
Me: That's not a briefcase, that's a children's hard case lunchbox.
Martin: It's not about what it IS. It's about what's INSIDE.
Me: Ha! Ok, what's inside?
Martin: Paperwork. And my phone charger. The charger that I use to charge the phone that I use to network with other young industry professionals.
Me: Hmm. You might have a point. What kind of paperwork do you have?
Martin: My log book. And a day planner........and sometimes my wallet.

-pause-

Martin: Ok, well that might technically qualify it as a purse.
Me: Yeah, I was going to say - that's almost exactly what I have in my purse.
Martin: Well. For one fleeting moment I REALLY had a briefcase.

Alarm Clock

*Thursday Morning*

Martin: So I've been doing this thing with Aubrey when I put her to bed. I can't believe how well it is working
Me: What are you doing?
Martin: Well, I put her to bed and she always says 'I want you to sleep with me'. So lately, the last seven times or so, I've said OK and then I lay down for a second and then I say 'Oh no! Daddy has to go set his alarm. I'll be right back!' And then I don't come back and she falls asleep. 
Me: Ha! 

*Thursday night*

Me: (waking Martin up in Aubrey's bed) Martin, wake up! Come on. Come to our bed. You're in Aubrey's bed.
Martin: Where is the alarm clock?
Me: Your phone is sitting on our bedside table. I just saw it.
-we walk to our room -
Martin: No. Aubrey took my alarm clock.
Me: What?
Martin: I did the alarm clock thing with her. And then I went downstairs for a little bit and then I came back up to take a shower. I was just in the shower and Aubrey opened the door telling me she couldn't sleep. I sent her back to bed and told her I'd be right there. When I got out of the shower Aubrey was sitting up in her bed. She had pulled the alarm clock out of my wall and dragged it to her bedroom.
       Aubrey: Daddy! I got the alarm clock so now we can go to bed!

Ice

Martin: (curling up into bed) Brrr. I am freezing.
Me: (lays into bed and attempts to rub chest with hands)
Martin: Ahhh! What are you doing???
Me: Oh. I was trying to warm you up. I forgot my hands are like icicles. 
Martin: Ha. It's like its opposite day or something. Usually your the one yelling at me for cold hands. Except usually my hands are cold from being outside. Yours are cold because of some weird, hereditary circulation problem. 

Hypocrite

Me: So....you're going to be really mad at me......
Martin: ...What...
Me: Well....I can't go to Canada to look at cows with you because my passport expired. I know. I'm an idiot. I don't know what I was thinking! I can't believe I did that! I'm going to get it renewed. 
Martin: You're so mad at yourself I feel like I can't even be mad at you. But it does seem a little hypocritical in light of how much flak you gave me to actually get a passport. 
Me: I know! I can't believe I did this. 

my berating of myself continues for a good ten minutes.

Martin: Don't worry about it so much. It took my almost ten years to actually fill out the paperwork and get one. 
Me: I know, but....
Martin: What? You expect less from me than yourself?

Spooning

Martin: Ok, let's go upstairs and spoon for thirty seconds.
Me: Thirty seconds??
Martin: Well, I feel like I can't sleep when we're spooning so I usually roll over after about thirty seconds
Me: Yeah right! You can sleep anywhere! Usually you fall asleep within thirty seconds. But LATELY everytime we're spooning you're sleeping, it's amazing and then SOME kid starts crying and I have to leave the bed and by the time I get back you've rolled over and the moment is passed. One time recently it was actually Aubrey needing help going to the bathroom.
Martin: The nerve! She should have just peed her pants so we could yell at her for wetting the bed. 

Expletive

Martin: Hey honey! How is your drive going?
Me: Terribly! I'm driving around like an *expletive* idiot. It's *expletive* *expletive* dark and *expletive* raining. I can't find an *expletive* place to park and there are a million *expletive* cars. 
Martin: Ok......well I'm probably going to take you off of speaker phone.
Aubrey: Mommy, I love you!
Me: Oh boy. That's probably a good idea. 

Honesty

Mom: Sylvia, you threw half of your dinner on the floor.
Dad: That's okay. She'll eat most of it when she gets down.
Martin: Oh good! I do that too. I didn't want to say anything, but if we're being honest I'll go ahead and let her graze off her floor mess. 

Cancelled

*Conversation from a few weeks ago, during a power outage, after an ice storm*

Martin: I bet there won't even be school tomorrow. 
Me: Hmm. Well.....I'm not a teacher and my kids aren't in school so that's really the last thing I care about right now. 
Martin:  I just get so excited thinking that SOMEONE is getting a snow day! Even if its not me.
Me: Ha! You are a much better person than I.....Wait. It's Christmas vacation. There is no school tomorrow anyway.
Martin: Oh man! Those kids are really getting screwed. 

Gullible

*Laying in bed*

Martin: Are those pants silk or satin or something?
Me: No.

pause

Me: I'm actually surprised you would say that because these are the sweatpants that you hate.
Martin: And yet you still thought I was being serious.

Gas Light

This story needs a lot of backstory to make any sense. I'm sorry. Here comes backstory.

1. Martin's 1996 Diesel Ford Truck has officially been retired. (Maybe not officially but its currently NOT running) He is now driving my old work car. A gray Camry. It looks exactly like my current work car, a gray Camry. The first night we had both of them pulled in the barn Martin took one look at the situation and said, Oh, aren't we so suburban!

2. I have a long history of never even thinking about filling up with gas until the low gas light comes on. There have been way too many arguments in our marriage centered around a long trip and my negligence with paying attention to the state of the gas light. In my defense, I have NEVER run out of gas. I have a very solid system for filling up with gas before running out and AFTER the low gas light appears.

3. This morning, Martin sent me this picture.

The attached caption to the text: Who have I become...

I'm going to call this one a win for the home team!

Moving to the Future (or the Present)

After dealing with a slider phone that would routinely die and need revival for way longer than most people could handle, Martin finally broke down and got a smartphone on Monday. Even though he's used my phone on occasion, you really don't realize or appreciate the features of a smartphone until you have one of your own.

Me: There was a really beautiful sunrise this morning. I didn't try to take a picture of it though. I can never get the colors to come out right in my pictures of sunrise or sunset. I feel like I see really awesome sunsets a lot and whenever I try to take a pictures the colors don't turn out nearly as bright on my phone as they do in the sunset.
Martin: I think my phone takes pictures with more detail than real life! Like if I took a picture of a tree I can look at that picture and it would look more detailed than it even looks in real life!

...

Martin: I think they really want people to buy ringtones. There is hardly anything for me to choose from for my alarm. One of my alarm choices is BLOWING DANDELIONS. Last time I checked, they don't make ANY NOISE.

Of course, he's still walking around with his phone in a Ziploc bag because he's so worried he's going to scratch the camera lens. This is the same guy who routinely takes photos with his finger lurking in the upper corner of the camera lens. Go figure.

Birthday Adventures

I can't believe Aubrey turns three on Sunday!!! Complete craziness! In honor of this monumental event, Martin and I spent the day with Aubrey on Monday, taking her to the Strong Museum of Play.

Martin's looking way too concentrated to be racing with an *almost* three year old

It's clearly necessary to have ALL the balls at once (of course, this action was largely coaxed by daddy)

It's a real possibility that Martin and I had more fun in the "little diggers" building section than Aubrey did.

Putting that sign on the wall was like asking Martin to build a higher tower. His immediate reaction was: Challenge Accepted!

Martin: I think you're going to have to block me. That lady has her eye on me. She's going to shut me down. You might have to provide a distraction. I need to work quickly. 

The "I built a chair!" face and then the "It doesn't support my daughter face!"

 

First time on a merry-go-round. Pure excitement.

 Martin: I would love to be the CEO of this place. I bet that guy is just sitting in his office, smoking a cigar and laughing.
Me: Why's that.
Martin: He's like....those suckers. I'm going to put a merry-go-round at door that way kids can beg their parents' to ride it on the way in AND on the way out.

Collector

 

 

Me: How was the meeting?

Martin: Oh. It was good. Oh guess what?! I'm don't even collect hats, but I think I should just give in and collect them because I always get so many. They were passing these ones out and they're pretty shitty, but they were free so I took two. And then Andy pulled out some VINTAGE HATS! Check this one out! Pretty nice right? And guess what? If it gets a little cold.....hang on a second....EAR FLAPS!!!

Me: You are ridiculous. Let me get a picture of you.

Martin: Ok, great. Let me get my 18 wheeler mug. Make sure you get the ear flaps in there.

 



Airplane

Since Aubrey has reached an age where she loves to make, create play and if we're going full cycle, ultimately destroy things, I've become obsessed with crafting. Almost every day home from work, Aubrey and I are making something fun.

Last weekend, we made an airplane out of a cardboard box.

Me: What do you think I should do to make it a little bit sturdier?
Martin: What type of warranty package do you think you're going to have on a cardboard box airplane? I'm sure it will be fine.
Me: Point taken.

A Really Long Winded Welcome

Still looking adorable, even with a food covered face!

 

Martin's brother Gabe used to hate watching children eat. He hated it so much that in typical brother fashion, Martin would text messy pictures of Aubrey eating as she learned to take her first bites just to get under his skin. Then Gabe started dating Jenna. And Jenna had a baby. And one day we were all at Mimi and Poppa's and Gabe was FEEDING THE CHILD! That's the moment I knew it was the real deal. 

After that solidifying moment, I had no doubt in my mind that one day this would come, but a formal congratulations is in order for Gabe Bruning and the future (other) Mrs. Jenna Bruning!


And yes, we're aware that Martin and Gabe are best friends and like to do everything the same. Hence: the same truck and wives with the same name!

Waiting

Martin: So you know that new alternative radio station out of Buffalo, 107.7?
Me: Oh yeah! I put it on my speed dials.
Martin: Well I've been listening to it a lot lately and they play this one Arcade Fire song all the time and I had it in my head today and I really wanted to hear it. I listened FOREVER and it never came on. I stopped for lunch and when I got back in the tractor they were playing some stuff that I had already heard that day so I thought maybe I missed it. It got so bad that I didn't want to get out of the cab to pee because I didn't want to miss it. And every new song I was like, this is going to be it! And then it wasn't. Finally I got so mad I just changed the station to a random station and it came on! It's number one in Canada right now. It's a real good techno song.