Rock and Roll

Aubrey: Mom, this is a Rock and Roll Song! Sing with me!
Aubrey: (as loud as she possible can. Over and over for the duration of the song) ROCK AND ROLL! ROCK AND ROLL! ROCK AND ROLL! 

Construction

Aubrey: Mommy, where are we going?
Me: To grandma's house. The bridge is out on our road so we have to ALL the way around the long way to get to her house.
Aubrey: (pause) Mom! I got an idea! When we get to grandma's house I can get my tools and then I can help fix the bridge! That way we can drive down the road!
Me: Ok, that sounds like a great idea, Aubrey.

arriving at my mom's house.

Aubrey: Great Grandpa Leclair! We need to go get my tools so I can help fix the bridge!
GGL: I think you're going to need some machines to fix that bridge.
Aubrey: I know! My tools are machines!

Potty Dance

Aubrey: (dancing around)
Me: Are you okay, Aubrey.
Aubrey: Yeah. I just have to go potty. Don't you know the potty dance, mom? This is the dance you do when you have to go potty.

Frozen

within two minutes of Aubrey and Karalyn sitting down to eat dinner.

Aubrey: So, have you seen FROZEN???

some sort of conversation takes place, obviously resulting in a miscommunication, because not two minutes later.

Karalyn: (to Katie) Mommy, can you turn Frozen on? Aubrey hasn't seen it!

That movie is taking the toddler population by storm!

Freezing

Me: Aubrey, can you please put a coat on?
Aubrey: I don't want to wear a coat!
Me: Well, it's cold outside. If you don't wear a coat you're going to freeze your butt off!
Aubrey: Oh no! And then I'll never be able to go potty again!

That would be one terrible side effect of freezing your butt off.

One, Two, Three and to the Fo'

Aubrey: Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies. .....We all FALL DOWN!
Martin: Hey Aubrey, how about you sing this song: One, Two, Three and to the Four. Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre are at the door!
Aubrey: Daddy, No! I don't want to sing that song!
Martin: Come on! Don't you want to sing the counting song?
Aubrey: Daddy, no.
Martin: Do you want mommy to sing?
Aubrey: Yeah!
Martin/Me: One, Two, Three and to the Four. Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre are at the door. 
Aubrey: No! Not that song! The ring around the rosy song!
Martin: Don't you want to learn the puppy song?
Aubrey: Daddy, no!
Martin: This is so frustrating. It's like she knows it's not a kids song!

Some of the bigger trials of parenting...obviously

Got to Go Check Something

Aubrey: (walks by Ingrid)
Ingrid: Aubrey, did you just fart?
Aubrey: (smirking, sheepishly) Yessss.

...a few minutes later

Aubrey: (walks by Ingrid)
Ingrid: Aubrey, did you fart again??
Aubrey: (sheepishly, smirking) Yesss.
Me: Aubrey, did you fart or did you forget to wipe your butt?
Aubrey: (pause) Ummm....I just got to go check something

From the bathroom...
Aubrey: uh, MOM. We're gonna need some new underwear in here.

....
within 30 minutes

Aubrey: (exits bathroom)
Me: Aubrey, did you wipe your butt??
Aubrey: (annoyed) Yes Mom!
Me: Did you wash your hands?
Aubrey: (pause) I just have to go do something.

Frustrating

Aubrey is going through a very frustrating age where everything is a fight. Our interactions are either incredible or teetering somewhere between slightly frustrating to I want to die. There is no baseline. No happy medium. It's all poles around here. A few recent screams from my toddlers during a few of our many recent arguments

Aubrey: I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BATH! I WANT TO BE DIRTY FOREVER!!
Me: Aubrey, you need to get clean. I don't really care what you want. 
Aubrey: GET ME DIRTY AGAIN! GET ME DIRTY AGAIN, NOW!
Me: If you want to get dirty you'll have to get yourself dirty (leaves Aubrey standing alone, and naked in the shower which is now turned off)
Aubrey: (for probably 15 minutes): I WANT YOU TO GET ME DIRTY! I DON'T WANT TO GET MYSELF DIRTY! GET ME DIRTY! YOU'RE RUINING MY DAY!

...

Me: Ok Aubrey, let's put your coat on and go home.
Aubrey: I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A COAT.
Me: Aubrey, it's cold outside and it's winter. You have to wear a coat. 
Aubrey: I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A COAT!
Me: Aubrey, Daddy was going to bring you home a chocolate milk tonight, do you still want him to do that?
Aubrey: Yes.
Me: Then you have to be a good girl and cooperate and put your coat on.
Aubrey: I DON'T WANT CHOCOLATE MILK! I DON'T WANT TO PUT MY COAT ON!
Me: Aubrey, what did I say this morning? I don't want everything to be a fight with you. 
Aubrey: I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE A FIGHT!!!

...

There's so many more - I can't even put them all into words. I'd show you a video, but it'd hurt your ears.

Three...whoever coined the phrase terrible twos clearly wasn't parenting my child.

You Rock, Dude

Me: (putting toilet paper under the sink in the bathroom)

Aubrey: Mom, thanks for getting us that stuff. We totally needed it. You rock, dude!

Sick

Aubrey: Mommy, I REALLY don't want to be sick anymore!
Me: I know, honey. I really want you to feel better too.
Aubrey:  I really want to get better so I can drink the green milk Grandma got for me!

Bad For Your Body

Aubrey: (pointing the soda my niece has brought for us to share) Mom, you should drink that stuff. That stuff is bad for your body. 


The next morning, soda still sitting on the table

Aubrey: Mom. this stuff is bad for your body. You shouldn't drink it. 
Me: You are right, Aubrey. It is bad. 
Aubrey: Yeah. You can drink either milk or water. Milk comes from the cows and water comes from the sink.....Or should I say, from the water tower?

The Sword in the Stone

Dental Hygienist: What is your favorite movie, Aubrey?
Aubrey: Well..... the BESTEST movie ever is.....THE SWORD IN THE STONE!
Dental Hygienist: Really. Wow. That's a different one. 

...

Aubrey: That is my sister. Her name is Sylvia.
Dental Hygienist: Oh, do you like to play with your sister?
Aubrey: Yeah. We played in my room for a little bit and then we came here
Dental Hygienist: What do you like to play with your sister? Do you like to play with dolls?
Aubrey: Well....actually.....I really like to play with my blocks. 
Dental Hygienist: Oh! What do you like to build with your blocks
Aubrey: I build a REALLY TALL TOWER!
Dental Hygienist: Do you build a tower so tall until it falls over?
Aubrey: No.....actually.....Sylvia knocks my tower over.
Dental Hygienist: Well that's what little sisters are for, huh?

...

Aubrey: Mom, are we coming back to the dentist tomorrow?
Me: No, not tomorrow. 
Random person in waiting room: Probably in six months.
Aubrey: Then where are we going tomorrow?
Me: Well, you're going to go to grandma's tomorrow
Aubrey: (to random person in waiting room): I am not going to come back here tomorrow. I am going to go to my grandma's house tomorrow.
Random person in waiting room: Oh, that will be fun
Aubrey: Yeah, it is going to be SO MUCH FUN!

I Spy

Me: I spy something......white.
Aubrey: Hmm.......oh! I know! Sylvia's Sock!
Me: That is white, but that's not what I'm spying. What else?
Aubrey: Mom! It's Sylvia's sock!
Me: That's not what I spy. What else is white?
Aubrey: Mom! I said it's Sylvia's sock!!
Me: What about my mitten? Is my mitten white?
Aubrey: Mom! I said it's Sylvia's sock! It is not your mitten! I said Sylvia's sock!
Me: I know Sylvia's sock is white, but that is not what I was spying.
Aubrey: I don't want to play this game with you anymore. You are not really good at this game. 

Alarm Clock

*Thursday Morning*

Martin: So I've been doing this thing with Aubrey when I put her to bed. I can't believe how well it is working
Me: What are you doing?
Martin: Well, I put her to bed and she always says 'I want you to sleep with me'. So lately, the last seven times or so, I've said OK and then I lay down for a second and then I say 'Oh no! Daddy has to go set his alarm. I'll be right back!' And then I don't come back and she falls asleep. 
Me: Ha! 

*Thursday night*

Me: (waking Martin up in Aubrey's bed) Martin, wake up! Come on. Come to our bed. You're in Aubrey's bed.
Martin: Where is the alarm clock?
Me: Your phone is sitting on our bedside table. I just saw it.
-we walk to our room -
Martin: No. Aubrey took my alarm clock.
Me: What?
Martin: I did the alarm clock thing with her. And then I went downstairs for a little bit and then I came back up to take a shower. I was just in the shower and Aubrey opened the door telling me she couldn't sleep. I sent her back to bed and told her I'd be right there. When I got out of the shower Aubrey was sitting up in her bed. She had pulled the alarm clock out of my wall and dragged it to her bedroom.
       Aubrey: Daddy! I got the alarm clock so now we can go to bed!

Small Crush

Aubrey: I can't wait 'till Cory and the cows see my nails!

....

Aubrey: Are we all done milking?
Me: Yep. Now we just have to clean up.
Aubrey: Yeah. And then we will be all done and Cory will be sooo happy!

....

Aubrey: I think that Sylvia can't wait to see Cory. 

Spilled MIlk

Aubrey: Mom, can I please have some paper towels?
Me: Did you spill your milk?
Aubrey: (frantic) Don't come in the living room!!! Can I just have some paper towels?

Planets

Aubrey: Mommy, I love you more than the planets.
Me: Well...I love you more than the planets AND the stars
Aubrey: Well, I love you more than Earth!
Me: I love you more than Jupiter.
Aubrey: Mom! We don't live on Jupiter!
Martin: We don't?
Aubrey: Daddy, no. Don't be silly
Martin: Do we live on Mars?
Aubrey: We live on Earth!
Martin: Oh, ok. Thank you, Aubrey.

pause.

Aubrey: (with a sly look on her face) Do we live on.....Mercury??
Me: Hmm. I don't think so. 
Aubrey: Yeah. I am silly. You should laugh. 

Cats and Dogs

Me: You're going to have so much fun with Kerri and Rob. Kerri is going to bring her dog, Missy.
Aubrey: Really??? I am going to play catch with that dog!
Me: Yeah, I bet she will really like that. Do you remember Missy?
Aubrey: Yeah.
Me: She's a pretty little dog, huh. She's about the size of a cat. 
Aubrey: Mom! Dogs and cats ARE NOT the same thing! Silly!!
Me: Ha! You are right Aubrey, I'm not very smart, am I?
Aubrey: Yeah. You are not that smart. 

Aubrey: Mom, you better text Kerri and tell her to bring a dog bowl so we can give Missy some water. 

Morning Routine

Me: (putting on blush and mascara. my two makeup staples).
Aubrey: Mom, I need to put my makeuper on. 
proceeds to take chapstick out of bathroom drawer and rub on her lips.
Aubrey: There. I got my makeuper on. Now I look soooo fancy!

repeat. every morning. sometimes before bed.

Excitement

This year was definitely the best Christmas to date because Aubrey was SO EXCITED. On the days leading up to Christmas we had created a paper chain countdown and she woke up every morning saying

Is it a new day today?!!! 

And then promptly running for the scissors to cut a link.

On Christmas morning she came crawling into my bed, body shaking with excitement and whispered

I wonder if Santa Claus came last night!!!!

And each time in the last week when someone has stopped by the house with a wrapped package her whole body has started to tremble with excitement as she shouts

I wonder what it's gonna be!!!!

Oh, to be three again! So glad I can experience the holidays through her eyes!