Friday, February 21, 2014

Frustrating

Aubrey is going through a very frustrating age where everything is a fight. Our interactions are either incredible or teetering somewhere between slightly frustrating to I want to die. There is no baseline. No happy medium. It's all poles around here. A few recent screams from my toddlers during a few of our many recent arguments

Aubrey: I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BATH! I WANT TO BE DIRTY FOREVER!!
Me: Aubrey, you need to get clean. I don't really care what you want. 
Aubrey: GET ME DIRTY AGAIN! GET ME DIRTY AGAIN, NOW!
Me: If you want to get dirty you'll have to get yourself dirty (leaves Aubrey standing alone, and naked in the shower which is now turned off)
Aubrey: (for probably 15 minutes): I WANT YOU TO GET ME DIRTY! I DON'T WANT TO GET MYSELF DIRTY! GET ME DIRTY! YOU'RE RUINING MY DAY!

...

Me: Ok Aubrey, let's put your coat on and go home.
Aubrey: I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A COAT.
Me: Aubrey, it's cold outside and it's winter. You have to wear a coat. 
Aubrey: I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A COAT!
Me: Aubrey, Daddy was going to bring you home a chocolate milk tonight, do you still want him to do that?
Aubrey: Yes.
Me: Then you have to be a good girl and cooperate and put your coat on.
Aubrey: I DON'T WANT CHOCOLATE MILK! I DON'T WANT TO PUT MY COAT ON!
Me: Aubrey, what did I say this morning? I don't want everything to be a fight with you. 
Aubrey: I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE A FIGHT!!!

...

There's so many more - I can't even put them all into words. I'd show you a video, but it'd hurt your ears.

Three...whoever coined the phrase terrible twos clearly wasn't parenting my child.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Random Acts of Kindness

Me: It must have snowed last light because there is snow on the road, but there isn't any on my car so I think it all blew off.
Lexy: Yeah, I had about two inches on my car. 


...A couple days later....

I FINALLY realize that the reason the snow keeps "blowing" off my car before I wake up is because Martin is brushing it off when he leaves in the morning.

Me: Martin, are you brushing my car off in the morning?!
Martin: Of course, you my girl.
Me: That is so amazing! I can't believe I didn't thank you for this sooner!


...And that sums up why I am the easiest person to surprise. period.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Time

Me: You remember I'm working late tonight and you need to pick the girls up by 7:30, right?
Martin: Yeah. We've been doing really well lately. You can tell your mom that I might surprise everyone and be early!
Me: Yeah......I'm not going to do that.

hours later, just before 7:30

Me: So you're going to get the girls. 
Martin: Yeah. I'm driving through Shelby right now. 
Me: Oh, so you're going to surprise no one and be late.
Martin: Yeah... maybe by the time we hit our fiftieth wedding anniversary I'll have figured time management out. Sometimes even as I hear myself talk I think what am I thinking??


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

You Rock, Dude

Me: (putting toilet paper under the sink in the bathroom)
Aubrey: Mom, thanks for getting us that stuff. We totally needed it. You rock, dude!


Monday, February 10, 2014

Sick

Aubrey: Mommy, I REALLY don't want to be sick anymore!
Me: I know, honey. I really want you to feel better too.
Aubrey:  I really want to get better so I can drink the green milk Grandma got for me!


Sunday, February 9, 2014

Bad For Your Body

Aubrey: (pointing the soda my niece has brought for us to share) Mom, you should drink that stuff. That stuff is bad for your body. 


The next morning, soda still sitting on the table

Aubrey: Mom. this stuff is bad for your body. You shouldn't drink it. 
Me: You are right, Aubrey. It is bad. 
Aubrey: Yeah. You can drink either milk or water. Milk comes from the cows and water comes from the sink.....Or should I say, from the water tower?