Friday, April 30, 2010

Growing a Watermelon

I have been contemplating this since the moment I discovered I was pregnant. There is a person growing inside of me?!! I mean how crazy is that??? Which has led me to further wonder why anyone ever came up with the stork story. That is so boring. A stork brings a baby. Come on. Lame. The really story is just infinitely better. I mean, think about it. Mommy and Daddy really love each other and they make a seed called a zygote and it grows in mommy's belly and it keeps growing and growing just like a watermelon and that is where you came from. You were a watermelon in my belly.

I mean. I think we can all agree that that story is so much better than the stork story. I mean, yeah, I might have a few kinks to work out in it, but I would say its phenomenally better. Anyway, since I got this story latched in my brain, I have been refering to this baby of mine as my watermelon.

Such as:

Martin: Are you ready to go?
Me: No. I have to eat breakfast.
Martin: Ugh. I'm in a hurry.
Me: Well, I'm trying to grow a watermelon here. I can't just skip meals!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

An Exercise in Keeping My Mouth Shut

After we found out we were having a baby the excitement of the whole situation was too much for me to handle and I wanted to tell everyone. right away. Martin, being my voice of reason, suggested that maybe we should wait a little while to tell people. Apparently six weeks is the really crucial time period. And I get that, I really do.

But I wanted to tell people anyway.

So, I settled for telling random people. People that weren't the important people. I told all my store managers, two co-workers, my two friends that live in Ithaca, my best friend and my sister-in-law. But I didn't tell my parents. Or anyone that would ever speak to my parents.

Finally. Martin and I had agreed that we would tell both of our parents on Easter Weekend. It was the first time we were going to be home. We could tell them in person AND we could tell them both on the same weekend. Perfect!

And then. Things got a little difficult.

The weekend BEFORE Easter my mom called me up and said that she and my dad were coming down to visit. Martin promptly gave me a 25 minute lecture before they arrived warning me not to blurt out the news.

"I know something is going to happen and you're gonna want to just blurt it out. But DON'T SAY ANYTHING"

"No problem. I'm as cool as a cucumber"

And then my parents arrive. Actually. the first thing I see as my parents enter our apartment is a christening dress which my mom has stretched out five feet in front of her is bouncing into our apartment to show me.

"Isn't it so great? I had my wedding dress made into a baptismal dress. Now we have a family heirloom. I love the sleeves don't you? Oh. And you see how this outside layer is so ornate. Well if someone has a boy, they can wear the inside layer......see."

It was at that moment I realized I was not cool as a cucumber and this keeping my mouth shut was going to be harder than expected.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Announcement

During our vacation in the Florida Keys, I had a visit from Aunt Flow - basically during the entire vacation.

But that's not really the point of this story.

The point of this story is that due to my visit during our vacation in the Florida Keys my birth control pills were placebo pills that week. So I didn't even bother to pack them. I just threw the pack out with the intention of starting a new pack when were returned.

Except. I forgot.

I forgot to start a new pack of birth control for an entire week. It wasn't until the following Sunday that I realized this dilemma. The funny thing was approximately one million things happened that week that should have reminded me that I wasn't taking my birth control.

Hint 1: On that Thursday night my mom had called me asking if we could come home the last weekend in March. Her and my father were going to be out of town and she wanted me to babysit my 18 year old brother. Actually, she wanted me to make sure that he abided by his midnight curfew while they were away. In no uncertain terms I told her that I would not be ruining my relationship with my brother to be a parent and if that is what I wanted to do I would stop taking my birth control. It did not occur to me that I, in fact, was not taking my birth control.

Hint 2: On Sunday morning, the discovery morning, Martin and I watched The Proposal while this is an okay movie and has some funny parts, it moves a little slow for my taste - but then again, I am a sitcom type of girl. (once again, not the point) Anyway, Martin and I were watching this movie and the entire time I was thinking how I would really like to have a baby. And I was thinking, well if I really do want to have a baby I guess I will have to stop taking my birth control. Once again, it did not occur to me that I wasn't.

Then suddenly, a few minutes after the movie I realize - Oh my God, I haven't been taking my birth control all week. I proceed to tell this to Martin in a really cavalier type of way, like its no big deal and totally fixable. I don't know why I said it in such an offhand way, in my head I was thinking What is wrong with me - I can't even handle taking a pill every day, let alone raising a child!

Martin, understandably, has a temporary freak-out. He says that we have too many irons in the fire to have a baby and we cannot have a baby right now and my god how are we going to have a baby?? And also I can forget about him touching me....ever again. And what does he think is the percentage chance that I actually am pregnant.

hmm. this might explain why I've been so horny in the last week.

Due to the fact that Martin so blatantly thinks this would be a terrible time for us to have a child, while I completely agree with him, I go into devil's advocate mode and take this outburst as a personal assault on myself. I get it warped in my head that it is specifically me that he doesn't want to have a baby with and maybe if I were someone else he wouldn't be so concerned.

What do you mean too many irons in the fire? I demand
Well, you know, we're both working a lot and stuff. And you have three stores opening this year, and this apartment is too small for a baby.Was the reply I got
Well don't you think we're always going to be busy???? I quickly retorted back. At this point I am almost in tears defending something and I don't even know what.

Then Martin went in the kitchen and made himself some ramen noodles for lunch (which would probably be another reason to add to the list of why we are not adult enough to have a child) and he came back in the living room and said, You're right. We'll just see what happens. If we're having a baby I'll be very happy about it.


Two Weeks Later...
It's a Tuesday and I'm supposed to be starting my period. But I haven't. Why haven't I started my period??
I casually ask Martin if he thinks I should take a pregnancy test and he tells me that its up to me, but my cycle is probably going to be off because of the missed week of pills.
Yeah. That's true. That makes perfect sense. I really don't know what I was thinking. I'm not even really late yet.

Wednesday Morning
For some reason, I physically can not wait any longer. I need to find out for sure and I happen to have a pregnancy test on hand, you know, just for occasions like this.
Me: Ummm, Martin, can you come here and look at this?
Martin: What?
Me: Well, I think I'm pregnant. Can you come look?
Martin: (chokes on his english muffin) I think I will probably see the same thing as you.
Me: Will you just come look?
He confirms that there is, in fact, a plus sign on the test and I am not blind at all. Then he kisses me and says he's very excited. Then he leaves for work.
I, of course,  never having been pregnant have no idea what to do in this situation  - so naturally, I immediately call my gynocologist.  On the other end of the line I find a woman who takes messages. As in, I'm having a baby right now. or Something is seriously wrong.  That's when I realize it's only 7:00 AM and the doctor's office isn't open yet. No, that's fine. I don't need to leave a message. I'll call back at 9.
I then immediately call my sister-in-law, Ingrid. For some reason it is really really crucial that she know about this immediately. First, in fact. She's that awesome. As I'm talking to her, I get a phone call from Martin.
Me: Hey
Martin: So, I was thinking...we probably shouldn't tell anyone until we know for sure.
Me: Umm.....Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking....Except....we can probably tell Ingrid
Martin: Yeah, that sounds fine.

On my way home from work, I decide to stop by Walmart and pick up a pack of pregnancy tests. And when I say pack, I mean pack. A three pack to be exact. Because it's a better value, you know. Just to be sure. I've been smiling all day thinking about having a baby, but I've also been freaking out a little. Ok, that's a lie. a lot. It never hurts to be sure.
And for some reason pregnancy tests still seem like an embarassing thing to buy. Like I'm a teenager or something and my life is seriously going to turn upside-down if I'm pregnant. It just doesn't seem like normal, married adults would be buying a pregnancy test. Of course, to avoid this "embarassment" I'm walking through Walmart carrying my pregnancy test under two folders which I am also purchasing.
Then just as I'm leaving Walmart with my test stored inside a shopping bag where old ladies can't see it and judge me and think that I'm getting knocked up, the buzzer goes off on the doors as I walk through.
Walmart Lady: Excuse me, Ma'am. Can I look in your bag.
Me: Um. Sure. Here's my receipt.
WL: Pulls out pregnancy test and swipes it across register nearby. Oh, I guess it was just your pregnancy test somehow setting it off.
Awesome. Now the old lady standing way down at register ten knows that I got knocked up. And I suddenly find myself with an urge to shout. "It's ok. I got knocked up by my husband"

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Neglected Obsession

I don't know if I've ever talked about Martin's need for routines and my fairly strong dislike of them.. but it exists. When Martin finds something he likes, he wants to do it every single week. When I find something I like I want to do it everyone once in a while so I will continue to like it in the future.

When Martin and I first started dating, he was really into bowling. They used to have moonlight bowling at the lanes in Medina on Saturday nights from 10 PM to 1 AM and Martin would round up his friends every single Saturday night to participate. We went there on our first date. We went bowling so much that I eventually began to hate bowling with every fiber of my being until I eventually started refusing to go and that obsession finally ended.

Then it was Chinese food. After milking on Sunday nights, we used to round up everyone we knew and go to the Great Wall in Medina. They loved us there. Would keep the place open late for us. We were a huge source of income for them. The boys were obsessed with the daughter (nicknamed Lotus Blossom) and the son, Steve, loved to pose for pictures. We would typically bring a crowd of 15 to 20 people each week, but at some points we had over 30! Then one day there was a new girl there and she asked us if we could start coming earlier. Well, we couldn't. We came as soon as Martin and Gabe were done milking, so that was the end of the Chinese tradition.

For that last few weeks I have been craving Chinese food. Finally, Martin and I went out for Chinese Sunday night. I honestly think its the first time I've been in 2010, which is just way too long to go without Chinese. While the Chinese buffet in Ithaca is huge and delicious and totally satisfying, I couldn't help but miss the times at the Great Wall. Their lo mein is just so good. And Steve is so nice. And their coca-cola tastes just like coca-cola everywhere else. Perfect.

Wait??? What is happening??? Am I picking up on Martin's need for routines???? No way!! Never!

Monday, April 26, 2010


"Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in 'sadness', 'joy,' or 'regret.' Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I'd like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, 'the happiness that attends disaster.' Or: 'the disappointment of sleeping with one's fantasy.' I'd like to show how 'intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members' connects with 'the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age.' I'd like to have a word for 'the sadness inspired by failing restaurants' as well as for ''the excitement of getting a room with a minibar.' I've never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I've entered my story, I need them more than ever."
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides.

I recently read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides and found it to be absolutely incredible! To say it is a novel about a hermaphrodite is a gross understatement and doesn't even come close to doing this book justice. Because, yes, it is a novel about a hermaphrodite and the discovery process and life of Cal (Callie) Stephanides, but it is also so much more..

"Lefty never discouraged any speculation. He seized the opportunity of transatlantic travel to reinvent himself. He wrapped a ratty blanket over his shoulders like an opera cape. Aware that whatever happened now would become the truth, that whatever seemed to be would become what he was - already an American, in other words - he waited for Desdemona to come up on the deck"

It catalouges the struggles of a Greek family, fleeing Greece coming to America, the epic of their life.

"Lefty, who'd been observing all the ways Greece had been handed down to America, arrived now at where the transmission stopped. In other words, the future. He stepped off to meet it. Desdemona, having no alternative, followed."

Eugenides does such a great job showing the complex emotions of all characters involved in the book. The reader leaves this book and has an extensive history on the Stephanides family and their journey.

"To my grandparents Detroit was like one big Koza Han during cocoon seasion. What they didn't see were the workers sleeping on the streets because of the housing shortage, and the ghetto just to the east, a thirty-square block  area bounded by Leland, Macomb, Hastings, and Brush streets, teeming with the city's African Americans, who weren't allowed to live anywhere else. They didn't see, in short, the seeds of the city's destuction - its second destruction - because they were part of it, too, all these people coming from everywhere to cash in on Henry Ford's five-dollar-a-day promise."

The mass amount of history that is catalouged in this novel is incredible. Invasions in Greece, the rise and fall of Detroit. I honestly felt so much more wordly after reading this novel.

"Until we came to Baker & Inglis my friends and I had always felt completely American. But now the Bracelets' upturned noses suggested that there was another America to which we could never gain admittance. All of a sudden America wasn't about hamburgers and hot rods anymore. It was about the Mayflower and Plymouth Rock. It was about something that happened for two minutes four hundred years ago, instead of everything that has happened since."

Eugenides also does an excellent job portrayig racism, seperation, and the strong thoughts that littered people's mind at the time.

"Just like ice, lives crack, too. Personalities. Identities. Jimmy Zizmo, crouching over the Packard's wheel, has already changed past understanding. Right here is where the trail goes cold. I can take you this far and no further. Maybe it was jealous rage. Or maybe he was just figuring out his options. Weighing a dowry against the expense of raising a family. Guessing that it couldn't go on forever, this boom time of Prohibition."

And did I mention that he does a great job explaining complex emotions?

"There are lots of nights out in Berlin when, emboldened by a good-value Rioja, I forget my physical predicament and allow myself to hope. They tailored suit comes off. The Thomas Pink shirt, too. My date can't fail to be impressed by my physical condition (Under the armor of my double-breasted  suits is another of gym-built muscle.) But the final protection, my roomy, my discreet boxer shorts, these I do not remove. Ever. Instead I leave, making excuses. I leave and never call them again. Just like a guy"
All of this is not to say that this novel doesn't also do an excellent job chronicling the life of a hermaphrodite and the emotions, metamorphasis, and feelings of Cal Stephanides. Because he does an absolutely incredible job. It is no wonder this novel won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 2003. I think I clipped a record amount of passages from this novel because it was so well written. Almost every sentence seemed noteworthy.

"Milton's face darkened. He swallowed hard. Callie waited for him to say the word, to quote Webster's, but he didn't. He only looked at her across the table, his head low, his eyes dark, warm, sad, and full of love. There was so much love in Milton's eyes that it was impossible to look for truth."

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Another Day In Paradise

I love customers. They are always giving me a reason to laugh and putting a smile on my face. Here's a few examples from Thursday.

Scene: A relative attractive male around the age of 21 or 22 is standing at the front counter, waiting for me to interview him.
An Old Woman circa mid - to - late 70s (speaking to my cashier): If you hire him. I will come here every day!
Well. I suppose that's one way to drive sales!

Cashier: I need a phone book for a customer.
Me: Oh, it's in that bottom drawer. Why?
Cashier: She says she wants to call a dentist??? I guess she's decided she needs to make an appointment.

a few minutes later...

Me: (to cashier returning phone book) So, is she all set?
Cashier: Well, I guess she couldn't find the number in there. But she uses the same dentist as me and I have the number in my cell phone so I'm just going to give her that.
Talk about service!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Internal Urges

I know I have a Kindle now and therefore do not need to go to book sales, but there is a little voice inside of my that says, "Go. Go. It will be a glorious event" And more times than not the little voice inside me wins.

So yeah, I'll probably be there today. At 9:55 AM. Waiting for the doors to open.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Buds and Blossoms

I love this time of year because all the trees are popping with blossoms and it is just so beautiful even my allergies can't help but admire the beauty.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Naan Bread Pizzas

I love trying new things. I also love when I can try new things while also trying new special purchase products at Aldi. So, you can imagine my excitement when we started carrying Naan bread on special purchase in April. I immediately snatched up two packages. Wednesday night I made Martin and I a delicious and delightful dinner of Naan bread pizzas. Mmmmm.
And they were so easy it should almost be a crime.

Spread sauce over top of naan bread (I just use traditional spaghetti sauce but obviously pizza sauce works well too).
Sprinkle with mozzarella and parmesan cheeses.
Top with desired toppings. (I used orange peppers, onions, banana peppers, and ham)
Bake at approximately 350 for 10 to 15 minutes.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Still Amazed.

I wouldn't consider myself a frequent flyer, but I do fly. fairly often. I've flown three times this year on a total of ten different flights. So, I suppose I could at least say I am familiar with flying. Anyway, it still never ceases to amaze me how beautiful it is up above the clouds.
I mean that is not a glacier or snowaps somewhere. That is 100% cloud.
And the glorious sun shining down on miles and miles of cloud cover.
It's enough to make someone religious.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I love cardigans. I basically operate under the principle that if an outfit doesn't look quite right add a cardigan to it.
I already own six cardigans in black, brown, white, yellow, navy blue and a lighter blue. But there is a 30% off discount at Ann Taylor Loft this week. If you enter the code FRIENDS at checkout. So, I started looking at cardigans again. And immediately found 4 colors that I had to have.
So, of course, I called my sister-in-law Ingrid to ask her if she thought it was a good purchase, knowing full well that she is always encouraging me to spend money and can come up with a justification for any purchase I may ever want to make. Here's how her justifactions go...

Me: So, it's $28 - do you think it's worth it?
Ingrid: Well. If you wear it for 14 years...which you will...that's only $2 a year. So I'd say it's definitely worth it. I approve!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Strawberry Sandwiches

When I started attending kindergarten many years ago I was appointed the job to feed calves hay and grain and bed the hutches with straw so they were nice and clean. I would do this everyday after school and my Grandma would feed the calves milk. On the weekends, I would come over in the morning to help my Grandma feed milk to the calves and then I would go to her house for breakfast every single Saturday morning. I used to treasure those Saturday mornings and as a result of all the time I spent with my grandma, she has basically always been my go-to hero. (You know, when you're a kid people are always asking you who your hero is. I say...My Grandma. As an adult I guess no one cares if you have hopes for the future.)

Most morning I would have two fried eggs and toast. Grandma made the best fried eggs. My other Grandma makes the best pancakes, this grandma found her niche in fried eggs, though. But, when strawberry season rolled around, I would eat Strawberry Sandwiches. I think they're a Dutch thing, hence me learning about them from my Dutch Grandma, but either way - they are great.

Right now, and for the last few weeks, strawberries at Aldi have only been $1.19 a quart - so I've taken to chowing down on these almost every morning for breakfast. Here's the basic recipe.

Toast two pieces of bread or english muffin
Butter toast
Sprinkle with sugar
Top with strawberry slices.

I kind of prefer this on bread instead of english muffins, but both are delicious! Sometimes I put the slices together like a sandwich and other times I eat them open-faced. I can't wait till the sweet and succulent local strawberries start to ripen!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

My New Favorite

Like I said, I developed a lot of new favorite things while I was in Texas visiting Ingrid. One of these is the side pony tail. Love the side ponytail.And I feel if you rock it low, on the side, and with confidence. It totally works.
Ingrid and I went to an decade's party on Saturday night and we basically stole the show with our 80s outfits.
I loved the outfit so much I continued to wear it the next morning while we were watching The Office. And, I'm thinking about wearing it for halloween this year. I mean, you really can't beat an outfit without pants.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Making Muscles Sore

When it's a Friday night in Texas, you must dance your face off.
It is absolutely neccesary that you dedicate hours and hours to twisting your body, tapping your feet, back bends, dips and dancing on pedestals.
And sometimes that camera will catch you in a particularly good move, but that's ok. You still have to do it.
Even if your sober husband starts to look slightly annoyed at your antics.
Only at the very end of the night can you sit down for a breather and a photo shoot. and the hope your muscles are too sore the next day.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Everyone Loves A Good Duel

So, I picked up a lot of new favorite things when I was in Texas last weekend. One of these being Dueling Piano Bars. I had never been to one of these before, but they are so much fun.
That's Mike, one of the piano players. He was amazing. And his voice was so awesome. And the entire concept of a dueling piano bar is just super fun and super awesome. I'm in love!

Ingrid and I had front row seats. And Mike was basically in love with Ingrid, and he called us out on two seperate occasions. It was also super fun to watch old men sing to birthday girls and drunk bachelorettes do dances on the stage.

This was the other piano player. I think his name was Jon.

I got really into this and between singing my face off here and later in the night while I also danced my face off, I basically had no voice by the end of the night. Anyway, I think a dueling piano bar would be a great addition to Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse or Lyndonville!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Party's Just Getting Started.

I spent last weekend in Texas with Ingrid. Hanging out with her, having an amazing weekend, and finally meeting all her friends that I basically feel like I know due to the mass amount of stories I have heard about each and every one of them from Ingrid. Needless to say, It was an absolutely amazing trip.

When I first arrived in Austin on Friday around noon. After getting some lunch, Ingrid and I decided to head to Lake Travis, catch some rays, do a little reading and just relax for a few hours in the afternoon.
While there are a couple of different tourist destinations around Lake Travis, we decided to check out Hippie Hollow. Interesting name.

As we begin to pull into Hippie Hollow, the park ranger takes it upon himself to inform of just exactly what we are getting into.

Ranger: So. You understand that it is clothing optional beyond this point right.
Ingrid: Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's fine. No problem.
Ranger: Ok. Well, if you see anyone acting extra weird out there, here is a number you can call and we'll send someone out to take care of the issue. we pull away
Ingrid: Ok, so I had no idea this was a nude beach.

Then, in the parking lot we witnessed our first old man changing.

Turns out Hippie Hollow was less of a nude beach and more of a nude trail with some rocks along the water. We opted to stay in our clothes and lay out on blankets reading on the rocks along the water. On the other side of the tree we watched an older man drinking a beer buck naked. The only observation I could really think to make was, "well, you can tell that he hasn't really gone in the water or anything."
As we were leaving another old man in a mesh speedo was disappointed to see us leave.

Hey, where are you going girls? The party's just getting started!

Oh, culture!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

New York, I Love You

On Wednesday night, Martin was working late. So...I took the opportunity to rent something that I knew Martin was never going to want to watch.
New York, I Love You

New York, I Love You was the perfect chick-flick to watch alone on a Wednesday night. There isn't really a plot to it; its basically just glimpses at a lot of different relationships or charged interactions between men ad women that happen to take place in NYC. However, I really loved it. It might have something to do with the fact that I love hearing about relationships, but I found it amazing, even with its lack of plot.

I was trying to decide which relationship I like the best, and I really wasn't sure. I guess if I really had to choose one I would say the old couple at the end, but that is only because I absolutely love old couples and whenever I see old people holding hands or exhibiting any sort of pda, my heart melts and I am immediately happy all over.

Monday, April 12, 2010

What Not To Do

On Thursday morning last week I had another doosey of an interview that I thought I'd share. You know. In case you need any interviewing advice. Here's some examples of what not to do.

Me: So tell me a little about yourself.
Interviewee: Well. I am going to Florida pretty soon to visit my boyfriend. He is in the New Zealand Army. (at this point it is important to note that the candidate suddenly begins to speak in a sharp New Zealand accent that appears in here speech neither before nor after this comment)
Me: (picking up on sudden accent) Oh. Are you from New Zealand?
Interviewee: No, but I'd like to go there someday.

...and it continues...

Interviewee: Well I was working at Burger King. But that turned out to be a lot harder than I thought and I really didn't like it so I ended up leaving there.
Me: When you say it was a lot harder than you thought, what do you mean? What made it difficult?
Interviewee: Well. It was a really fast-paced environment, you know because it's fast food, and my boss was really tough to work for. He really expected a lot of you. He wouldn't let you slack off or anything.
(I do believe her that Burger King is a fast-paced and challenging environment to work for. That is actually part of the reason I had called her for an interview. Because she did work there and I am looking for people that can handle a fast-paced environment. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but generally telling a potential future employer that your old boss wouldn't let you slack off probably isn't the best of strategies.)

...and it continues...

Interviewee: Well, I have some conflicts with other employees at the place where I work now?
Me: What do you mean?
Interviewee: Well, like this one girl told me to do something and I didn't do it properly and she told me to fix it and I told her that I don't think it's her place to tell me that I did it wrong. She just has a power problem.
(can't get along with co-workers. Just what I'm looking for).

...and it continues...

Me: If you were to be hired for this position it would be pending both a background check and a drug test. For example a hair follicle test would show any illegal drug consumed within the last two years. And it would just tell us yes or no. It wouldn't tell us if you used it once at a party of if you use it everyday and its going to affect your job performance. Is there anything that would show up on there?
Interviewee: umm. Yes.
Me: Ok. Well when do you think is the last time that you did drugs?
Interviewee: Last weekend.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Things that Would Make the Morning Easier

Circa 6:20 AM Thursday morning. Martin and I have been pressing snooze on our cellphones since 6:00 and we're cuddled up in bed.

Me:Man. I really need to get up for work
Martin: Just five more minutes.
Me: You know, this would be a lot easier if I didn't like you.
Martin: How's that
Me: Well then I wouldn't want to lay in bed with you and I would get moving.
Martin: laughs. And spoken so elequently too.

Saturday, April 10, 2010


For some reason I have been really jumpy lately and whenever Martin appears and I am not expecting him, I completely freak out.

Scene: Circa 7:00 on Monday night. I am in the kitchen making dinner. I don't hear Martin enter the apartment. As I turn around, Martin is just walking into the kitchen and about to say hello.
Me: Oh my god! I take a huge leap backwards.

Scene: Circa 11:30 on Wednesday night. Martin is working late. I am sleeping. For some reason I wake up slightly and open my eyes just as Martin has arrived home and is climbing into bed to give me a kiss goodnight.
Me: Lets out a scream
Martin: What's wrong?
Me: I didn't know it was you. I just opened my eyes and there was a big, hairy man over me.
Martin: I just wanted to give you a kiss.

Apparently I've recently developed a fear of my husband. Oh boy!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Everything's Bigger

Right now I'm on a plane to Texas! To visit my amazing sister-in-law Ingrid whom I haven't seen since January and I am so excited!

Ingrid has an amazing weekend planned for us and I can't wait to get there and get the party started.

Unfortunately, my darling husband Martin is not coming with me. He did not want to take the day off from work. So, I probably won't get a really awesome journal with neat drawings of the trip in it like I did the last time we went to Texas, but I'll be sure to have fun with Ingrid.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

So You Like It Spicy

I probably go to Subway one to two times a week. Basically whenever I am running late and don't have time to pack a lunch or don't have anything in my house I want to have for lunch or just really don't feel like packing a lunch.


I always get jalepenos on my subs and also that pepper relish if the particular location I am at happens to serve said relish.

I don't know if it is because I am little and people don't expect little people to eat spicy things or it has something to do with the fact that I am in a suit and people don't expect suited customers to live on the wild side like that or for some other reason that is completely unfathomable to me, but I can promise you that it almost always comes as a surprise to the "sandwich artist" behind the counter (sidenote: don't you find it completely weird that subway calls their employees sandwich artists? There's is virtually no art in letting a customer pick from a selection of vegetables and dumping them on the sub)

The last three times I have been to Subway, these are the responses I have received after asking for jalepenos.

Time 1: Oh really? Yeah I love those too.

Time 2: Oh, Awesome.

And most recently: So you like it spicy?

I have yet to determine the cause of this phenomenon, but either way, I am obviously throwing people off of their initial first impression of me and that makes me happy.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

And Sometimes It's Fun to Drive

Last weekend when I was home for Easter, we decided to go on the Niagara Wine Trail on Saturday. I so graciously offered to drive meaning I would not be drinking. But,you know what I learned. Driving is not so bad.
You still get to help choose delicious wines to taste
And you're there and coherent to document every moment of ridiculousness.
And you get to spend the day with good friends.
And at some wineries they will force you to taste and not swallow. Just spit it into a spittoon. That is not fun.
And you're around and sober when Caton has to sit in the baby chair. Or when she decided to tell every winery that this is her bachlorette party and she is getting married on August 30th. You clealy remember all that ridiculousness because you were sober.
And when Kylie wants to run around in circles on the lawn shouting Take candid pictures. You're there to do that.
And although you don't come home with armfulls of wine. You also didn't spend a pile of money.

So yeah. Simple Pleasure #122: Driving ridiculous friends on a wine tour.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Tale As Old As Time

Martin and I don't have TV. Okay, that's not exactly the truth. We have a TV, but we don't get any channels. So we watch a lot of Seinfeld and Arrested Development reruns on DVD. I typically use the one weekend a month when I'm at my parents house to catch up a couple hours of good, old-fashioned potatoe-couching in front of the TV. But this weekend when I went home. There was no TV.

Ok. That's a lie. again. There was TV but there wasn't any channels. Apparently in a fit of anger and punishment to my youngest brother, my mom cancelled the cable service at their house. Turns out, this is actually punishing my dad a lot more heavily than my brother. But my mom doesn't feel punished at all so it seems this isn't going to change in the near future. Anyway, I had to resort to movies. So I pulled out my absolute favorite vhs tape on Saturday morning and sat back to watch Beauty and the Beast.

My youngest brother Garrett joined me and I quickly realized he had never seen the movie. Can you believe it??? He has lived 14 years in our household and never seen Beauty and the Beast. The ridiculousness of this is amazing to me. I adore this movie. It is definitely my favorite Disney movie. It is the only Disney movie I ever owned. My Uncle Randy gave it to me for my birthday many years ago and if I had the capabilities of watching it at my own apartment, I would have taken it with my when I moved out.

I've seen this movie countless times and I still found myself crying. At the end. You know. Right when you think the beast might die. Right before he turns into a prince. Right at that moment when Belle says that she loves him. I know he is going to live but I still cry. It's that good. Who knew you could get so much emotion in a cartoon?

Saturday, April 3, 2010


A few days ago, some interviewees for the District Manager position came to one of my stores. I have had this happen before. Basically, I walk them around the store, speak about my position, answer any questions they have, and then give my opinion on each one of them to my boss. Whether they listen to anything I have to say and hire the people I want is completely and totally out of my control. But, I digress. As we were driving from lunch to the store one of the potential DMs asked me if there were any really crazy stories from working at Aldi.

Are there any crazy stories from working in a grocery story and dealing with the general public on a daily basis???

If the giant letters repeating the question wasn't enough of an indicator, the answer is yes, there are tons of crazy stories from working at Aldi. I once had to clean poop up off the floor. Poop. Someone thought it was perfectly acceptable to leave human feces on the sales floor. I mean, I'm pretty sure it was from a baby, but I still feel like there is no excuse for walking away from poop on the floor.

But that's not the story I decided to tell him. I decided to tell him a story about interviewing, because inevidently, you're going to have a crazy interview. Inevidently, someone crazy is going to sneak through the selection process and you will have to waste a half an hour of your life interviewing them, but at least you might get a good story out of it.

This particular interview I chose to tell him about happened when I was working out in Buffalo. This particular interviewee was actually someone that my store manager had met in the store when the applicant filled out his application, walked the applicant around the store, and then decided that he would be a good candidate for Aldi and thus handed him over to me to interview. Since this particular applicant had already been screened by my store manager, I was expecting to get a fairly decent lad.

I bring the candidate into the breakroom where I have set up the room for the interview. On the first question I ask the candidate to just tell me a little about yourself. Hobbies? Interests? Anything that's not work related. At this point the candidate finds it would be completely appropriate to tell me about the bad crowd he was hanging out with when he lived in Florida and how he got in all kinds of legal trouble and was really into drugs and now he is in Buffalo living with a 45 year old hippie who smokes a lot of pot.

So, as you can imagine, I was completely impressed right off the bat and couldn't hire this guy soon enough.....(that's a joke).

The interview continues. With every question this candidate seems determined to show me all his worst qualities. 

Me: If I were to call the manager at your last employer, what do you think he would say was your greatest strength.
Him: My greatest strength.....hmmm. .....I'm not sure. I guess something about customer service...or...ummm....I don't know. What he would probably tell you though is....well, you see....when I was working there I didn't have a car. So I would have to walk all the way across that Walden Galaria know....the one that goes over the thruway. Well anyway, so I had had Mighty Taco the night before for dinner. And you know how Mighty Taco kind of sits a little funny in your stomach? Well after I walked all the way across that bridge the next morning I really was not feeling I told my boss that I was sick and couldn't work and he was all up in my face saying that I can't just call off from a shift like that and I was supposed to be working right then and I needed to find someone to cover for me.....and I was all like...yeah man...that's fine. But like I gotta use your bathroom right now that's how sick I really I gotta go to the bathroom now.... And well... I don't know if you've heard of it but I don't have like a cell phone service because I can't really afford that so I just have this thing where you only get text messages its through AT&T its like $10 a month because I figure I might as well get the thing thats the only way people communicate these I was like if I can just go home then I'll have my bathroom and I'll have my phone and I can call people to cover for me. You know because I just really needed my bathroom and my phone. That would be perfect. But anyways. So I went to the bathroom there and by the time I got out he had found someone to cover my shift....But yeah.....he would probably tell you that story because he was pretty hot that day.

Disclaimer: If you didn't laugh out loud during that story, then it is not because the story is not funny. It is merely because my writing is not good enough to portray the histeria of the situation.

Friday, April 2, 2010

I'm A Nerd

So, I have this new obsession. And it has to do with vocabulary.
I have been playing on all the time. I think it is so much fun! And I feel really smart when I get a word right. And then I see words I previously didn't know in books that I am reading and I remember them. It's really amazing. And it helps fight hunger. You really can't beat that. I think it would actually be a fun way to study for the SAT or GRE.

Check it out!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Funny, But Not Really

April Fool's Day.

I have never been particularly good at April Fool's Day. It is really hard to come up with good, funny tricks to do on people. But it is something that I continue strive to improve on. You know, one of those really important personality traits that I continue to develop and critique. I really try to focus on important personality traits when improving myself.

But the story I wanted to tell today has nothing to do with improvements I have made in this area, even though after reading this I think it will be clear why I need to make these improvements. The story I'm telling today is from April Fool's Day my junior year in college.

My best friend Caton was over at my apartment and we were discussing April Fool's Day and how we should play really awesome April Fool's jokes on our boyfriends.... You can probably guess that this is leading nowhere good. Anyway, because my boyfriend at the time was Martin and he was already graduated from college and therefore, not there. I obviously would not be able to play a practical joke on him, but would have to trick him over the phone somehow.

This is where it gets a little dicey.

In order to trick Martin about something over the phone, I would have to lie to him about something. anything. There was really no way around that. So Caton, who has been getting my into trouble since the dawn of time but I still love her anyway, comes up with this genius idea that we should tell Martin that I am cheating on him. Supposedly, this is going to be funny because he will get really worried and paniced for a minute and then April Fools!

Except it didn't really work out that way.

Caton calls Martin and pretends that she just feels really bad and needs to tell him about this sitation. She says that I have been cheating on him with this guy that I interned with over the summer and she has been telling me to stop and she just wanted to let Martin know.

This is the part where Martin is supposed to ask questions or immediately call me for an explanation and it's all April Fools!

But. Of Course. That's not what happened.

Martin says something along the lines of thanks for telling me and then he hangs up.

Ok. No biggie. He's going to call me for an explanation any second.

But then. A minute passes. and then two. and then ten. No call.

Oh My God. Why doesn't he call. April Fools!

At this point, I'm panicing. Near hysteria. What the heck did I just do? I think I'm going to marry this kid someday and I just threw the whole relationship away on a bad April Fool's joke. What if he breaks up with me over this? What if he doesn't believe that it was a joke? This was my worst idea ever!

I try calling Martin. He picks up and hangs up. Doesn't say anything.

Oh my god. This is worse than I thought.

I begin repeatedly calling Martin for.....a long time. Probably over an hour.

Finally. Finally. He answers and I apologize and say it was just a really bad April Fool's joke and he is pissed and says it wasn't funny and he'll talk to me later.

So yeah. I've got a lot of improving to do in the practical jokes arena.