I have been contemplating this since the moment I discovered I was pregnant. There is a person growing inside of me?!! I mean how crazy is that??? Which has led me to further wonder why anyone ever came up with the stork story. That is so boring. A stork brings a baby. Come on. Lame. The really story is just infinitely better. I mean, think about it. Mommy and Daddy really love each other and they make a seed called a zygote and it grows in mommy's belly and it keeps growing and growing just like a watermelon and that is where you came from. You were a watermelon in my belly.
I mean. I think we can all agree that that story is so much better than the stork story. I mean, yeah, I might have a few kinks to work out in it, but I would say its phenomenally better. Anyway, since I got this story latched in my brain, I have been refering to this baby of mine as my watermelon.
Such as:
Martin: Are you ready to go?
Me: No. I have to eat breakfast.
Martin: Ugh. I'm in a hurry.
Me: Well, I'm trying to grow a watermelon here. I can't just skip meals!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
An Exercise in Keeping My Mouth Shut
After we found out we were having a baby the excitement of the whole situation was too much for me to handle and I wanted to tell everyone. right away. Martin, being my voice of reason, suggested that maybe we should wait a little while to tell people. Apparently six weeks is the really crucial time period. And I get that, I really do.
But I wanted to tell people anyway.
So, I settled for telling random people. People that weren't the important people. I told all my store managers, two co-workers, my two friends that live in Ithaca, my best friend and my sister-in-law. But I didn't tell my parents. Or anyone that would ever speak to my parents.
Finally. Martin and I had agreed that we would tell both of our parents on Easter Weekend. It was the first time we were going to be home. We could tell them in person AND we could tell them both on the same weekend. Perfect!
And then. Things got a little difficult.
The weekend BEFORE Easter my mom called me up and said that she and my dad were coming down to visit. Martin promptly gave me a 25 minute lecture before they arrived warning me not to blurt out the news.
"I know something is going to happen and you're gonna want to just blurt it out. But DON'T SAY ANYTHING"
"No problem. I'm as cool as a cucumber"
And then my parents arrive. Actually. the first thing I see as my parents enter our apartment is a christening dress which my mom has stretched out five feet in front of her is bouncing into our apartment to show me.
"Isn't it so great? I had my wedding dress made into a baptismal dress. Now we have a family heirloom. I love the sleeves don't you? Oh. And you see how this outside layer is so ornate. Well if someone has a boy, they can wear the inside layer......see."
It was at that moment I realized I was not cool as a cucumber and this keeping my mouth shut was going to be harder than expected.
But I wanted to tell people anyway.
So, I settled for telling random people. People that weren't the important people. I told all my store managers, two co-workers, my two friends that live in Ithaca, my best friend and my sister-in-law. But I didn't tell my parents. Or anyone that would ever speak to my parents.
Finally. Martin and I had agreed that we would tell both of our parents on Easter Weekend. It was the first time we were going to be home. We could tell them in person AND we could tell them both on the same weekend. Perfect!
And then. Things got a little difficult.
The weekend BEFORE Easter my mom called me up and said that she and my dad were coming down to visit. Martin promptly gave me a 25 minute lecture before they arrived warning me not to blurt out the news.
"I know something is going to happen and you're gonna want to just blurt it out. But DON'T SAY ANYTHING"
"No problem. I'm as cool as a cucumber"
And then my parents arrive. Actually. the first thing I see as my parents enter our apartment is a christening dress which my mom has stretched out five feet in front of her is bouncing into our apartment to show me.
"Isn't it so great? I had my wedding dress made into a baptismal dress. Now we have a family heirloom. I love the sleeves don't you? Oh. And you see how this outside layer is so ornate. Well if someone has a boy, they can wear the inside layer......see."
It was at that moment I realized I was not cool as a cucumber and this keeping my mouth shut was going to be harder than expected.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Announcement
During our vacation in the Florida Keys, I had a visit from Aunt Flow - basically during the entire vacation.
But that's not really the point of this story.
The point of this story is that due to my visit during our vacation in the Florida Keys my birth control pills were placebo pills that week. So I didn't even bother to pack them. I just threw the pack out with the intention of starting a new pack when were returned.
Except. I forgot.
I forgot to start a new pack of birth control for an entire week. It wasn't until the following Sunday that I realized this dilemma. The funny thing was approximately one million things happened that week that should have reminded me that I wasn't taking my birth control.
Hint 1: On that Thursday night my mom had called me asking if we could come home the last weekend in March. Her and my father were going to be out of town and she wanted me to babysit my 18 year old brother. Actually, she wanted me to make sure that he abided by his midnight curfew while they were away. In no uncertain terms I told her that I would not be ruining my relationship with my brother to be a parent and if that is what I wanted to do I would stop taking my birth control. It did not occur to me that I, in fact, was not taking my birth control.
Hint 2: On Sunday morning, the discovery morning, Martin and I watched The Proposal
while this is an okay movie and has some funny parts, it moves a little slow for my taste - but then again, I am a sitcom type of girl. (once again, not the point) Anyway, Martin and I were watching this movie and the entire time I was thinking how I would really like to have a baby. And I was thinking, well if I really do want to have a baby I guess I will have to stop taking my birth control. Once again, it did not occur to me that I wasn't.
Then suddenly, a few minutes after the movie I realize - Oh my God, I haven't been taking my birth control all week. I proceed to tell this to Martin in a really cavalier type of way, like its no big deal and totally fixable. I don't know why I said it in such an offhand way, in my head I was thinking What is wrong with me - I can't even handle taking a pill every day, let alone raising a child!
Martin, understandably, has a temporary freak-out. He says that we have too many irons in the fire to have a baby and we cannot have a baby right now and my god how are we going to have a baby?? And also I can forget about him touching me....ever again. And what does he think is the percentage chance that I actually am pregnant.
hmm. this might explain why I've been so horny in the last week.
Due to the fact that Martin so blatantly thinks this would be a terrible time for us to have a child, while I completely agree with him, I go into devil's advocate mode and take this outburst as a personal assault on myself. I get it warped in my head that it is specifically me that he doesn't want to have a baby with and maybe if I were someone else he wouldn't be so concerned.
What do you mean too many irons in the fire? I demand
Well, you know, we're both working a lot and stuff. And you have three stores opening this year, and this apartment is too small for a baby.Was the reply I got
Well don't you think we're always going to be busy???? I quickly retorted back. At this point I am almost in tears defending something and I don't even know what.
Then Martin went in the kitchen and made himself some ramen noodles for lunch (which would probably be another reason to add to the list of why we are not adult enough to have a child) and he came back in the living room and said, You're right. We'll just see what happens. If we're having a baby I'll be very happy about it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Weeks Later...
It's a Tuesday and I'm supposed to be starting my period. But I haven't. Why haven't I started my period??
I casually ask Martin if he thinks I should take a pregnancy test and he tells me that its up to me, but my cycle is probably going to be off because of the missed week of pills.
Yeah. That's true. That makes perfect sense. I really don't know what I was thinking. I'm not even really late yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday Morning
For some reason, I physically can not wait any longer. I need to find out for sure and I happen to have a pregnancy test on hand, you know, just for occasions like this.
Me: Ummm, Martin, can you come here and look at this?
Martin: What?
Me: Well, I think I'm pregnant. Can you come look?
Martin: (chokes on his english muffin) I think I will probably see the same thing as you.
Me: Will you just come look?
He confirms that there is, in fact, a plus sign on the test and I am not blind at all. Then he kisses me and says he's very excited. Then he leaves for work.
I, of course, never having been pregnant have no idea what to do in this situation - so naturally, I immediately call my gynocologist. On the other end of the line I find a woman who takes messages. As in, I'm having a baby right now. or Something is seriously wrong. That's when I realize it's only 7:00 AM and the doctor's office isn't open yet. No, that's fine. I don't need to leave a message. I'll call back at 9.
I then immediately call my sister-in-law, Ingrid. For some reason it is really really crucial that she know about this immediately. First, in fact. She's that awesome. As I'm talking to her, I get a phone call from Martin.
Me: Hey
Martin: So, I was thinking...we probably shouldn't tell anyone until we know for sure.
Me: Umm.....Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking....Except....we can probably tell Ingrid
Martin: Yeah, that sounds fine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On my way home from work, I decide to stop by Walmart and pick up a pack of pregnancy tests. And when I say pack, I mean pack. A three pack to be exact. Because it's a better value, you know. Just to be sure. I've been smiling all day thinking about having a baby, but I've also been freaking out a little. Ok, that's a lie. a lot. It never hurts to be sure.
And for some reason pregnancy tests still seem like an embarassing thing to buy. Like I'm a teenager or something and my life is seriously going to turn upside-down if I'm pregnant. It just doesn't seem like normal, married adults would be buying a pregnancy test. Of course, to avoid this "embarassment" I'm walking through Walmart carrying my pregnancy test under two folders which I am also purchasing.
Then just as I'm leaving Walmart with my test stored inside a shopping bag where old ladies can't see it and judge me and think that I'm getting knocked up, the buzzer goes off on the doors as I walk through.
Walmart Lady: Excuse me, Ma'am. Can I look in your bag.
Me: Um. Sure. Here's my receipt.
WL: Pulls out pregnancy test and swipes it across register nearby. Oh, I guess it was just your pregnancy test somehow setting it off.
Awesome. Now the old lady standing way down at register ten knows that I got knocked up. And I suddenly find myself with an urge to shout. "It's ok. I got knocked up by my husband"
But that's not really the point of this story.
The point of this story is that due to my visit during our vacation in the Florida Keys my birth control pills were placebo pills that week. So I didn't even bother to pack them. I just threw the pack out with the intention of starting a new pack when were returned.
Except. I forgot.
I forgot to start a new pack of birth control for an entire week. It wasn't until the following Sunday that I realized this dilemma. The funny thing was approximately one million things happened that week that should have reminded me that I wasn't taking my birth control.
Hint 1: On that Thursday night my mom had called me asking if we could come home the last weekend in March. Her and my father were going to be out of town and she wanted me to babysit my 18 year old brother. Actually, she wanted me to make sure that he abided by his midnight curfew while they were away. In no uncertain terms I told her that I would not be ruining my relationship with my brother to be a parent and if that is what I wanted to do I would stop taking my birth control. It did not occur to me that I, in fact, was not taking my birth control.
Hint 2: On Sunday morning, the discovery morning, Martin and I watched The Proposal
while this is an okay movie and has some funny parts, it moves a little slow for my taste - but then again, I am a sitcom type of girl. (once again, not the point) Anyway, Martin and I were watching this movie and the entire time I was thinking how I would really like to have a baby. And I was thinking, well if I really do want to have a baby I guess I will have to stop taking my birth control. Once again, it did not occur to me that I wasn't.Then suddenly, a few minutes after the movie I realize - Oh my God, I haven't been taking my birth control all week. I proceed to tell this to Martin in a really cavalier type of way, like its no big deal and totally fixable. I don't know why I said it in such an offhand way, in my head I was thinking What is wrong with me - I can't even handle taking a pill every day, let alone raising a child!
Martin, understandably, has a temporary freak-out. He says that we have too many irons in the fire to have a baby and we cannot have a baby right now and my god how are we going to have a baby?? And also I can forget about him touching me....ever again. And what does he think is the percentage chance that I actually am pregnant.
hmm. this might explain why I've been so horny in the last week.
Due to the fact that Martin so blatantly thinks this would be a terrible time for us to have a child, while I completely agree with him, I go into devil's advocate mode and take this outburst as a personal assault on myself. I get it warped in my head that it is specifically me that he doesn't want to have a baby with and maybe if I were someone else he wouldn't be so concerned.
What do you mean too many irons in the fire? I demand
Well, you know, we're both working a lot and stuff. And you have three stores opening this year, and this apartment is too small for a baby.Was the reply I got
Well don't you think we're always going to be busy???? I quickly retorted back. At this point I am almost in tears defending something and I don't even know what.
Then Martin went in the kitchen and made himself some ramen noodles for lunch (which would probably be another reason to add to the list of why we are not adult enough to have a child) and he came back in the living room and said, You're right. We'll just see what happens. If we're having a baby I'll be very happy about it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Weeks Later...
It's a Tuesday and I'm supposed to be starting my period. But I haven't. Why haven't I started my period??
I casually ask Martin if he thinks I should take a pregnancy test and he tells me that its up to me, but my cycle is probably going to be off because of the missed week of pills.
Yeah. That's true. That makes perfect sense. I really don't know what I was thinking. I'm not even really late yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday Morning
For some reason, I physically can not wait any longer. I need to find out for sure and I happen to have a pregnancy test on hand, you know, just for occasions like this.
Me: Ummm, Martin, can you come here and look at this?
Martin: What?
Me: Well, I think I'm pregnant. Can you come look?
Martin: (chokes on his english muffin) I think I will probably see the same thing as you.
Me: Will you just come look?
He confirms that there is, in fact, a plus sign on the test and I am not blind at all. Then he kisses me and says he's very excited. Then he leaves for work.
I, of course, never having been pregnant have no idea what to do in this situation - so naturally, I immediately call my gynocologist. On the other end of the line I find a woman who takes messages. As in, I'm having a baby right now. or Something is seriously wrong. That's when I realize it's only 7:00 AM and the doctor's office isn't open yet. No, that's fine. I don't need to leave a message. I'll call back at 9.
I then immediately call my sister-in-law, Ingrid. For some reason it is really really crucial that she know about this immediately. First, in fact. She's that awesome. As I'm talking to her, I get a phone call from Martin.
Me: Hey
Martin: So, I was thinking...we probably shouldn't tell anyone until we know for sure.
Me: Umm.....Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking....Except....we can probably tell Ingrid
Martin: Yeah, that sounds fine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On my way home from work, I decide to stop by Walmart and pick up a pack of pregnancy tests. And when I say pack, I mean pack. A three pack to be exact. Because it's a better value, you know. Just to be sure. I've been smiling all day thinking about having a baby, but I've also been freaking out a little. Ok, that's a lie. a lot. It never hurts to be sure.
And for some reason pregnancy tests still seem like an embarassing thing to buy. Like I'm a teenager or something and my life is seriously going to turn upside-down if I'm pregnant. It just doesn't seem like normal, married adults would be buying a pregnancy test. Of course, to avoid this "embarassment" I'm walking through Walmart carrying my pregnancy test under two folders which I am also purchasing.
Then just as I'm leaving Walmart with my test stored inside a shopping bag where old ladies can't see it and judge me and think that I'm getting knocked up, the buzzer goes off on the doors as I walk through.
Walmart Lady: Excuse me, Ma'am. Can I look in your bag.
Me: Um. Sure. Here's my receipt.
WL: Pulls out pregnancy test and swipes it across register nearby. Oh, I guess it was just your pregnancy test somehow setting it off.
Awesome. Now the old lady standing way down at register ten knows that I got knocked up. And I suddenly find myself with an urge to shout. "It's ok. I got knocked up by my husband"
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