Spirit Animal

Server: Hi, My name is Brandon. I'm going to be your server today.
Ingrid: What is your middle name Brandon
Brandon: Umm, people don't usually ask that. It's Joseph
Ingrid: That is solid
Brandon: Most of my friends call me BJ. You know, Brandon Joseph
Me: They do not call you BJ! Do you know that that means?!
Jolene: I'm pretty sure he knows what it means
BJ: Yeah. I like it. It's a good nickname. 
Ingrid: Ok. BJ.....what is your spirit animal?
BJ: My spirit animal...
Me: I'm thinking maybe Falcon
Ingrid: No, he's definitely a meerkat. I definitely see meerkat. Don't you?
BJ: Ummm.... I guess I could be a meerkat.

End of meal. At this point we know a lot about BJ. His nickname. College major. Dream job. Dream place to live. That he's the best man in his brother's wedding. That he likes to play mud volleyball while drinking. That he is 24. That he despises dark chocolate. Probably a few other things that I don't remember at this point.

BJ: Ok, with your bill I'm going to put a little survey card. You can go online and complete the survey. There are some questions about me also. I put my name on the back of the card. I actually put BJ. Normally I put Brandon because I don't usually get so personal with my guests. 

Briefcase

Martin: I am a business professional. I don't know if you realize this, but I have A BRIEFCASE.
Me: That's not a briefcase, that's a children's hard case lunchbox.
Martin: It's not about what it IS. It's about what's INSIDE.
Me: Ha! Ok, what's inside?
Martin: Paperwork. And my phone charger. The charger that I use to charge the phone that I use to network with other young industry professionals.
Me: Hmm. You might have a point. What kind of paperwork do you have?
Martin: My log book. And a day planner........and sometimes my wallet.

-pause-

Martin: Ok, well that might technically qualify it as a purse.
Me: Yeah, I was going to say - that's almost exactly what I have in my purse.
Martin: Well. For one fleeting moment I REALLY had a briefcase.

Alarm Clock

*Thursday Morning*

Martin: So I've been doing this thing with Aubrey when I put her to bed. I can't believe how well it is working
Me: What are you doing?
Martin: Well, I put her to bed and she always says 'I want you to sleep with me'. So lately, the last seven times or so, I've said OK and then I lay down for a second and then I say 'Oh no! Daddy has to go set his alarm. I'll be right back!' And then I don't come back and she falls asleep. 
Me: Ha! 

*Thursday night*

Me: (waking Martin up in Aubrey's bed) Martin, wake up! Come on. Come to our bed. You're in Aubrey's bed.
Martin: Where is the alarm clock?
Me: Your phone is sitting on our bedside table. I just saw it.
-we walk to our room -
Martin: No. Aubrey took my alarm clock.
Me: What?
Martin: I did the alarm clock thing with her. And then I went downstairs for a little bit and then I came back up to take a shower. I was just in the shower and Aubrey opened the door telling me she couldn't sleep. I sent her back to bed and told her I'd be right there. When I got out of the shower Aubrey was sitting up in her bed. She had pulled the alarm clock out of my wall and dragged it to her bedroom.
       Aubrey: Daddy! I got the alarm clock so now we can go to bed!

Ice

Martin: (curling up into bed) Brrr. I am freezing.
Me: (lays into bed and attempts to rub chest with hands)
Martin: Ahhh! What are you doing???
Me: Oh. I was trying to warm you up. I forgot my hands are like icicles. 
Martin: Ha. It's like its opposite day or something. Usually your the one yelling at me for cold hands. Except usually my hands are cold from being outside. Yours are cold because of some weird, hereditary circulation problem. 

Hypocrite

Me: So....you're going to be really mad at me......
Martin: ...What...
Me: Well....I can't go to Canada to look at cows with you because my passport expired. I know. I'm an idiot. I don't know what I was thinking! I can't believe I did that! I'm going to get it renewed. 
Martin: You're so mad at yourself I feel like I can't even be mad at you. But it does seem a little hypocritical in light of how much flak you gave me to actually get a passport. 
Me: I know! I can't believe I did this. 

my berating of myself continues for a good ten minutes.

Martin: Don't worry about it so much. It took my almost ten years to actually fill out the paperwork and get one. 
Me: I know, but....
Martin: What? You expect less from me than yourself?

On the Train

Woman on the Train: He's kind of fat, you know? Well. like your husband....Now I don't think you're husband is fat at all, but he's kind of like that. Or like your brother Max. 

Birthday Adventures

I can't believe Aubrey turns three on Sunday!!! Complete craziness! In honor of this monumental event, Martin and I spent the day with Aubrey on Monday, taking her to the Strong Museum of Play.

Martin's looking way too concentrated to be racing with an *almost* three year old

It's clearly necessary to have ALL the balls at once (of course, this action was largely coaxed by daddy)

It's a real possibility that Martin and I had more fun in the "little diggers" building section than Aubrey did.

Putting that sign on the wall was like asking Martin to build a higher tower. His immediate reaction was: Challenge Accepted!

Martin: I think you're going to have to block me. That lady has her eye on me. She's going to shut me down. You might have to provide a distraction. I need to work quickly. 

The "I built a chair!" face and then the "It doesn't support my daughter face!"

 

First time on a merry-go-round. Pure excitement.

 Martin: I would love to be the CEO of this place. I bet that guy is just sitting in his office, smoking a cigar and laughing.
Me: Why's that.
Martin: He's like....those suckers. I'm going to put a merry-go-round at door that way kids can beg their parents' to ride it on the way in AND on the way out.

Taste Test

I've gotten borderline obsessive about crafting pretend "food" for Aubrey's playroom recently. It started a few weeks ago when Aubrey and I headed to Michael's on one of my days off to purchase some felt. We made a lot of food and I was really proud of my handiwork (I'm naturally pretty uncrafty)

Felt food. PBJ. Hot dog. Fish. Hamburger. Salad. Taco. Eggs. Cheese and Crackers. Fries. Pizza.

I had a few Styrofoam balls kicking around from the solar system I made on the playroom wall, and decided they would make excellent grapes, apples and oranges. So Aubrey and I got down to work mixing paint colors and started to make it happen.



Post painting. Pre hot gluing grapes into bunches and adding a stem on the apple.

Last night, Sylvia was doing her thing crawling around the house when she let out a cough that almost sounded like she was choking. Being the paranoid parent that I am, I went rushing to see what the problem could be and couldn't find anything in her mouth that would cause that kind of cough. I few minutes later Aubrey called Martin and I into her playroom to show us something.

The apple and orange are completely massacred. They must have tasted the best. Apparently it wasn't until she got to the purple grapes that she decided to give up.

When we entered the playroom we found this sitting on the floor.

Me: Oh my gosh! This must be what Sylvia was eating.
Martin: But she only has two teeth.
Aubrey: Umm......that was me.
Me: Aubrey, why would you eat that? You know it's not real
Aubrey: I'm sorry. I just wanted to try it.

This is the same girl that says, it's just pretend every time she "makes" you something in her play kitchen. You know, so you don't accidentally try to eat her food. Apparently she's going to have to start saying it to herself.

The Sack

Last year for Christmas, Ingrid got us a Cheese of the Month club. Actually it might be Fruit of the Month? Either way, each month we get a fruit, a cheese and a side (usually some kind of cracker). This month the side was a small bag of almonds that came in a cloth sack.

Me: Aubrey, would you like this little bag? You can put it in your playroom and use it to carry things.
Martin: (just barely containing his laughter) Yeah, you can carry nuts in it. It's a nut sack.
Aubrey: (ignoring Martin) Oh yay! I will go put this in my playroom!
Martin: Aubrey, can you come thank mommy for that nutsack. Say, mommy - thank you for the nutsack.
Aubrey: Mommy, thank you for the nutsack.
Me: Martin, you are disgusting.
Martin: (laughing uncontrollably) I really hope she tells your mom about that. She'll be like mommy gave me a nutsack!
Aubrey: (talking to Sylvia and not paying attention to us): Look at my NUTSACK!!!
Martin: (laughing uncontrollably)
Me: You are a terrible person.

Dinner Training

After a few weeks (let's be honest, probably closer to months) of feeding Aubrey a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or noodles for dinner in the name of not wanting to argue - I finally decided enough was enough the other night and Martin and I came together as the united front of eat what we're eating or go to bed. This is going pretty well, with the exception of the night that Aubrey shoved food into her mouth without really swallowing it until she puked.

Aubrey: I have to go poop
Me: Well I guess you should have thought about that before you decided to sit at the table being such a baby about dinner. Finish that plate and then you can go to the bathroom.
Martin: Wow! You're good. I'm over here thinking I'm really tough and then you go and refuse bathroom privileges.
Me: Oh, she doesn't really have to go. She just pooped before her bath. It's a trick to leave the table.
Martin: I wish you hadn't told me that because I was really impressed.

after Martin comes down from putting Aubrey to bed.

Martin: She wasn't lying. That's the biggest turd I've EVER seen come out of her.

Sylvia let's out a cry from upstairs (we're also in the midst of attempting to train her to fall asleep without a bottle and sleep through the night)

Martin: Oh kids, give it up! 
Me: Ha!
Martin: I like to think my parents' had this lighthearted banter when I was bad as a kid, but I'm pretty sure they didn't
Me: Why are you pretty sure they didn't
Martin: I don't know. I just think they were all stern and pissed even after I was in bed.

Dishes: A favorite toy in this household

It Will Be a Conversation

Michelle: So your blog is all conversations now?
Me: Yeah.
Michelle: Why?
Me: Well, I was just feeling really uninspired to write other posts, and the conversations are my favorite part anyway.
Martin: So, what are you going to do when something really inappropriate happens in our marriage and you want to post about it.
Me: Oh, it will be a conversation.
Michelle: Yeah, she'll be posting the conversation before you have it.

Weddings and Favors

Our good family friend Bailey Hartway Bannister got married to the love of her life Robert Bannister this weekend. It was a cowboy boot kind of wedding so I was definitely waaaay too excited. Also, Bailey looked beautiful. And Martin and I have decided we're moving to Nebraska.....or at the very least - visiting.  Plus, they're beef farmers, so they gave out steak knives as favors (Score!) and the steak knives had their initials on them which also happen to be ours (Double Score!) and we happened to find eleven forgotten knives on tables at the end of the night (Triple Score!/Thanks Katie, Ryan and Karalyn for leaving yours!/I'll give them to you if you want them)

Martin: These steak knives are going to be so great in our kitchen! We are going to clean up when everyone forgets to take theirs home tonight!
Me: That's exactly what I was thinking! And our name starts with B too!
Martin: I am so turned on right now.

As we're headed to our car at the end of the night with 11 knives in tow..

Martin: I wanted to thank Mr. and Mrs. Bannister for hosting such a nice party, but I was too busy searching the tables for discarded knives.

So, Mr. and Mrs. Bannister - officially - Thank you! We had an amazing time!

Turn the Page!

Setup: Aubrey has asked me to "read" her a story about the two of us. I start to tell a story..

Me: Once upon a time, there was a very smart little girl with beautiful blonde curly hair and she had a mommy who loved her very much (I briefly pause to decide where to go with this story)
Aubrey: Turn the page, mom.
Me: Ok....(still thinking)
Aubrey: Mom! You have to turn the page! Aren't you turning the page?

All curled up and ready for a good story.

2:14

Setup: A three day weekend. Two cups of coffee brewed at 11:20pm in the hopes of watching a marathon of Scrubs. Don't judge. Ps. Martin is returning home from driving truck, you know actually working during this conversation at 2:14 AM.

Martin: Are you actually awake?
Me: Yep!
Martin: Wow, looks like you're really making the most of this long weekend.
Me: Yep!
Martin: Ok, well I'm going to go to bed.
Me: Oooohh. Okay.
Martin: You sound disappointed that I want to sleep.....At 2:00 in the morning.

Continue Watching

Amanda: Don't you hate how Netflix pops up with that continue watching button after a few episodes? It's like, yes, I'm still here doing nothing and I still want to keep watching.
Martin: I know, it's like they're really rubbing it in your face that you're not doing anything productive. 'Don't worry - I'm still here. Not mowing the lawn'
Me: The only time it's really useful is when you've fallen asleep. You know, so you don't miss a bunch of episodes.


Oh laziness!

Summer of Fun

Martin: Man, every summer I think 'This is going to be the summer of fun' and then the summer goes by and I hardly did anything and mostly worked.
Me: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Martin: Oh well, I guess there is always next summer.
Me: (for some reason adding a morbid bit to the conversation) Well....until there isn't.
Martin: What, you think I'm going to wither away on you?
Me: Ha! Definitely not.
Martin: I'll do it just to prove you wrong.

36 Weeks.

Update: this post somehow got reposted from when I was 36 weeks pregnant with Sylvia. I am NOT pregnant again.  

Here I am at 36 weeks and I'm actually feeling spectacular! There was a time during the holidays when I honestly thought I was going to have the baby at any second but the last few days I have been feeling so well, I think I could probably be pregnant for a while. Which is a good thing....because apparently I may not be 36 weeks.

I mean, I guess we're still calling it 36 weeks and they're not changing my due date or anything, but when I went to the doctor this past week my stomach didn't "measure up" to be as large as it should at this point in my pregnancy so my doctor immediately sent me for an ultrasound to ensure the baby is large enough and there is enough fluid in my uterus for the baby to live healthily. What I found out is - there is plenty of fluid. And also, the baby is on the small side but not alarmingly small. I haven't spoken with my doctor about the findings yet, but what I gleamed from the ultrasound technician is that the baby is just slightly smaller than Aubrey probably would have been at the same stage in my first pregnancy meaning that this baby might be a little smaller than Aubrey or I might go a little bit late with the delivery.

In other news, I've been meaning to share this story for about a month now in a pregnancy post and just haven't done many pregnancy posts until last week when I completely forgot to add this anecdote.

Me: (after visiting the doctor one Monday morning): So guess who I saw at the doctor today?
Martin: I don't know, who?
Me: (names an acquaintance) And guess who was with her?
Martin: No idea.
Me: Her husband.
Martin: Oh, well.....good for him.......When is she due anyway?
Me: She's having a C-section on Friday.
Martin: Well, of course he's going to be there! This is the end!
Me: When I was pregnant with Aubrey I went to the doctor on my due date and you didn't join.
Martin: I soon as I said that previous statement I knew I was going to regret it.

The State of Our Pantry

Setup: Text conversation a few weeks back. You'd never believe I work in a grocery store.

Martin: Mind grabbing some groceries today? Love you!
Me: I guess I could do that. :p Why are you sick of noodles?
Martin: No, but I think we only have a box of them left too. lol. Had graham crackers and milk for breakfast. those were good.

Listening

Setup: Aubrey had her first gymnastics class on Monday afternoon. Monday evening at dinner, we were discussing the class.

Me: She just wasn't as well behaved as I would have liked. She didn't listen at all.
Martin: We're going to have to work on your listening skills, aren't we?
Aubrey: What?

and there you have it....

photo, unrelated but adorable

Say You're Sorry

Setup: I'm washing dishes and, in my typical fashion, I'm hurriedly shoving pots and pans into the cupboards. One of the pots makes a loud noise as I shove it behind the door causing Aubrey to look up from her very intense game of imagination with the pieces to Candyland. (For the first time ever in an Aubrey adventure, no one needs to be resuced or go to the hospital, but instead it seems they are going to a wedding and one of them is wearing a very nice sparkly dress)

Aubrey: Mommy! You scared Sylvia with that noise!
Me: Oh, I'm sorry.
Aubrey: Say you're sorry to Sylvia.
Me: I'm sorry Sylvia.
Aubrey: Good girl.