Coping

Over a year ago, Martin's Grandpa Glen starting dealing with cancer. We knew it was getting progresively worse and on Friday night, we got a phone call saying that it was really bad and hospice was there. We decided to go visit on Saturday.

But then...

At 4:30 AM on Saturday morning my phone started ringing, it was my sister-in-law, Jen. Why would she be calling, I wondered. In my half asleep daze, the only reason to call at such an hour didn't occur to me. I picked up the phone and was informed that Grandpa Glen had passed away.

I've been blessed so far in my life. I really haven't ever had to deal with death. The only person I've really known that has died is my great grandma. I was very young when she died and I still remember the last thing she said to me, "When I get out of this hospital I'm going to take you to McDonalds for a happy meal"

As we were driving to visit and comfort Martin's grandma on Saturday morning, I turned to Martin and said, "I don't know what to say to your grandma. I've never had to deal with death."

Martin, "Really? I think I've gone to more funerals than weddings."

Martin's grandparents were an amazing couple. The kind of couple that you want to be someday. They would bicker like old people always do, but you could tell that they really loved each other. They were always in a hurry, always off doing something.

When we saw Grandma Nelda, I just felt so bad, it took every muscle in my body to keep from bursting into tears. I was completely unable to speak, for fear of erupting. When Grandma Nelda asked me a question about the funeral and I was forced to speak, I couldn't even string together a sentence. Luckily Martin covered for me and jumped to my defense with a complete sentence.

Glen and Nelda were married for 64 years! That is incredible. It's a whole lifetime of marriage. They were so blessed to spend so much time together, but in light of the circumstances, I could only think, you spent 64 years together, how could you ever live without each other now? I hope that Martin and I get the opportunity to spend 64 years together, but I also told him I would really appreciate it if we could die on the same day.

As we were sitting in Grandma Nelda's living room, my heart went out to her. She is completely lost without her husband by her side. When you spend your entire life with someone loving them, laughing with them, holding them, eventually feeding them and caring for them when they can no longer do it themselves. How do you suddenly lose that?

I just couldn't see how Martin and Gretchen were able to string full sentences together right in the middle of Grandma saying things that broke my heart every time.

Gretchen: Grandma, you want to take your shoes off?

Grandma: Oh, I guess. What's the point?

Grandma: He was going to be 85 in December, but he didn't seem that old to me.

Grandma: What am I going to do now. I guess other people survive. I'll just have to survive.

Like I said, I've been blessed to not have to deal with death for this long, but now, I don't even know how to deal with it.