Uncovered.

Saturday night.
After spending the day touring 11 wineries. Somebody, I wish I knew who so I could tell them what a horrible idea that was, comes up with the great idea that we should all go to a strip club.

What?

I can't believe I even agreed to this proposterous idea. I have never even been to a strip club. While I consider myself fairly open minded. This has always been the one thing I politely decided I did not want to open my mind to.

But. I agreed. Actually, I don't even remember putting up I fight. I think part of me was a little intrigued to just see what it was like.

We pull up to what appears to be a triple-wide trailer. This? This is a strip club? I should have known then that we should turn around and leave.

We go up to the counter. $10 a person, the woman barks. Are you kidding me? That was warning sign number two that we should just leave. Isn't there any deals for groups? The guys try to reason with the woman. She lets us know if we have ten people it is five dollars a person. We have nine. This apparently is a no go. But there isn't even anyone in here. It's 8:30.  The woman didn't want to hear anything about that. So, we pay ten dollars a person. Crazy I know.

We walk into this dark room with chairs lining the outskirts of a gated stage area. The chairs were actually pretty nice. They were wooden, but the type of wooden chairs that you can really sink into, with arm rests and everything. These girls are coming out one at a time and dancing to two songs and then leaving. This was not at all what I expected. There is a pole in the center of the stage, that each girl meticulously cleans off before starting to dance. I don't know why they really bothered with that. They barely used the pole at all and although the pole was clean, they had no qualms against rubbing their completely naked bodies all over the floor and stage railing. Go figure.

Every girl basically did the exact same thing. Judy, Ranatta, Kristin and I were trying to figure out if maybe they have a class where they say....Ok. To be a good stripper you should get completely naked and swing your legs around. It is also really impressive if you slap your butt. Just do that repeatedly.

There was a really creepy old guy there. You know, he has this look like he thinks all the girls are his girlfriend. You can tell he comes there a lot and spends a lot of money because every girl makes a point to go talk to him while they're not on stage and everyone goes and does a little dance for him while they are.

I also learned that strippers go crazy for girls. Ranatta was the first target. The girl had Ranatta lay down on the wooden railing and she licked her stomach, leaving all her clothes on her. Then it was Kristin's turn. Kristin also had to lay on the wooden railing and the girl completely lifted Kristin's shirt over her bra and licked her stomach. Then, it was my turn. The girl had me lay on the wooden railing and started to lift my shirt up. I figured she was going to do to me what she did to Kristin. It's ok, I can handle that, I thought. But no. She didn't stop there. Not only did she lift my shirt up, but she also lifted up my bra. Are you kidding me? Did I just show my boobs to a bunch of Martin's friends. Great. For some reason, being the wife whose boobs everyone has seen isn't really the role I was hoping to fill. I would go ahead and say that trip was an epic failure.

At any rate, I won't be going back there....ever.